Realer than real

10. spinning.

"I want to tell you so badly. To tell you that my life is always full of you and that a thousand times a day, I send you my thoughts in the hope that they reach you. To tell you that I remember everything about us, and everything is still inside of me like an infection that I refuse to heal from. Tell you that I try to run away from you, but everything brings me back to you."

- Muso.

Hello, how've you been? how are you living your life missing me with every single breath that you take?

I know that you're thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of you, I don't have to ask. I know that you're missing me as much as I miss you, I don't have to ask. I know that you still carry me in you like a dark secret just like I carry you, I don't have to ask. I know that you're looking for me everywhere you go, in everyone you meet, just like I do.
I know I'm missing like the pieces of a puzzle from your life like you are missing from mine. And I know the missing pieces are growing larger each day and that your biggest fear is that someday they're grow enough that the emptiness is bigger than the pieces present. That there is just too much space that it doesn't matter if the whole puzzle goes to watse. That's my biggest fear too.

It's been a year since we last talked, three since we've first met, and missing you still comes to me in waves, drowning me sometimes.
I miss your presence. I miss your crooked thought patterns. I miss your twisted sense of humour. I miss your weird conversations. I miss your cute stubbornness. I miss your overflowing sweet nature. I miss you reading me lame poetry that you wrote for me. I miss you sending me love quotes. I miss you trying to imitate me. I miss you.
I know they say that the first step to moving on is to stop thinking of that person as unique. But I think that's just plain stupid, because every single individual on earth is unique, there's only one version of each one of us. And in my whole humble life time, I've never met anyone like you. I never will. No one will ever be you.
I saw you in my dream yesterday, unlike all the previous times, you seemed so sad, you kept murmuring something I couldn't make out, I was so happy I could see you again, but I was the one looking at you couldly this time. I had a feeling, that it wasn't just a dream. That somewhere in the world, you knew about this dream too, because you were there too, you had it too.

I realised that the hardest thing in love is not not being loved back. It's knowing in your core, feeling it deep in your bones, that you're being loved deeply, tremendously, torturously and still have to walk away because it's not enough. It's realizing that love is so frail and how powerless in stands against life circumetances. And there's nothing that you can do about it.

People would frown upon this, therapists would shake their heads in dismay. It can't be love. Psychology reffers to ours as a dysfonctional relationship, a trauma that should be eradicated and healed. But you know what? The world is so big and life is so much larger and complicated than what a psychology book can contain. You can only go that far trying to label things but it's never exact science. No one can tell the truth of whatever happened between us. Only we can tell, only we have been there, only we have felt.

What I know for sure is that: there's no amount of healing that could delete us from each other's systems. And I've found that you can actually love someone despite all the defects in your genes and theirs, despite all the defects in your human interactions, all the destruction you cause each other. You can love each other despite that. You can love each other like that. You're in my gene map now, as I am in yours. We can never be cured of each other. Like two stars destined to collide once in a life time, they may part ways again but they're both changed forever.

If I had to go back and choose to live a life where we don't meet, I'd still choose to meet you. And If I am to live a thousand lives, knowing that I'd go through the same pain meeting you again, I'd still choose to meet you, in each one of them.

___________________________ DONE ____________________________

How did you like the ending? Did you enjoy the last chapter? I hope you did!

Please tell me on the comments down bellow! I welcome all opinions and don't forget to click on the vote button at the left corner of your screen for support.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been with me through all of this. Believe me, I wouldn't have finished it without your support! Your kind words and helpful criticism will always be with me through my future works.
I feel like this is the first step for many great things to come, thank you for making it so special.
I love you all so much. ❤