You kill me (in a good way)

See The Light

I have been in my room for the past month and a half not talking to anyone, not even my brother. Kellin and Vic are worried about me and I can see why but they also have to understand losing Rose has made me someone I never thought I would become. I refuse to talk to anyone. When I lost Bryan I didn't talk to anyone for three weeks before I got together with Alex.

Everyone tries to get me to talk but I just sit there ignoring everyone. Alex is the same way. We both keep getting texts, calls and people coming in to talk to us but we just want to be alone. Losing a kid is hard enough but to lose her at such a young age pretty much destroyed me. I know I should try and get over this but for some reason I just can't. I need to be the person I was when I knew Bryan the fun loving out going crazy person I knew he would want me to be.

I had to go and see Bryan at his grave site. I knew that would make me feel better. I wanted to talk to an old friend to be reminded of why I live my life with all this fucked up shit in it. So I got dressed and went downstairs. “Kali, oh my are you ok? I was so worried about you baby.” I heard my mom say. I just looked at her with pain filled eyes and went out the door.

When I got to the grave site I walked over to where Bryan Lee Write was written on a grave stone. “Hey Bryan. I miss you so much. I hate that you left this world at such a young age. I need your help. I lost my daughter about a two months ago and I don't know what to do. Alex and I just don't know how to move on from this. Alex is going to try and continue his musical career which I know he can. Everyone I know is worried about me. My brother, my parents, my boyfriend, my ex boyfriend, his sister, my boyfriends brother and even my little brothers. I know they all want me to be ok but its hard to move on knowing that everyone you care about is going to die. I just wish I had some of my old life back. Marissa wont talk to me and she married a guy named Ryan and moved to New York anyway. I just want my best friend back. No I need my best friend back. I miss you more than you will ever know Bryan.”

I went back to my car feeling better about talking to my best friend again. Bryan was always there when I needed him even if he wasn't really there. While I was driving home I got a call from a number I didn't know or recognize so I decided to go ahead and answer it. “Hello.” I said still not wanting to talk to anyone. “Kali, is that you?” The voice on the other line said. The voice was female and I was thinking it might be my aunt but I just answered the question. “Yeah this is Kali. Who is this?” I say not feeling like playing a mind game right now. “Kali, its Marissa. I called Kellin to catch up and he gave me this number saying you haven't talked to anyone in about six weeks. Is everything ok?”

Marissa hasn't said two words to me in eight in a half years. I knew there was something going on that I didn't know about. “No Marissa everything is not ok. I can't talk about this I have to go.” I hung up the phone not wanting to talk to anyone no matter who they are. Right as I pulled into the driveway Kellin calls me. I ignore it and walk inside. “What did you want Kellin I am not wanting to talk about anything so I am going to my room, good-bye” I say heading upstairs but am blocked by someone I don't recognize. She is tall with Black and Blonde hair. I knew it was nobody Kathy knows and Vic would have mentioned something when I came in if he knew her.

My brother pulled me into the living room when I stopped my heart rate just to get out of whatever it was they were just about to do because I didn't want to hear it. When I blacked out I was thinking about Bryan and how much I missed him saving me from these situations.

“Kali, sweetie what are you doing? You know they are just trying to help you. Marissa even came down from New York when she read in the paper that Alexander Gaskarth lost his seven year old daughter. She knew that it was your daughter that died and she's worried about you. Just like we all are.” A male voice said that reminded me of my dear friend Bryan.