Guns and Roses

Fourteen ~ Rya

Small warning for the end of the chapter.

He stops fighting me after about a minute and finally relaxes. My shoulder aches from where he punched it over and over but I don't let him go.

He's scared and confused.

He just saved my life.

I stroke the back of his head as he sits in my lap. His body shakes but he seems to have stopped crying. I don't know why I pulled him down, the way he looked at me made the world spin. He was so hurt, so broken and all of that was aimed at me.

"We have to go" I tell him when the sirens outside start to blare. Maddox will have held them off for a while already, any longer and they'll get suspicious.

I get to my feet and pull Quinn up after me. I wrap an arm around his torso to keep him standing and hold him close to me. "Close your eyes" I tell him looking around. There's seven bodies in here and I'm not sure if he's ready to see that.

He turns his head away and rests it on mine so that he's facing either behind us or me, I'm not sure which.

He's not much taller than me so I can pretty easily move him through the restaurant and out the back door without too much trouble. Matthew has pulled the car around and is now resting against the side checking his hand. It had been hit and he must have ducked as a reflex. I thought he was dead for a moment.

He sees us coming and opens the back door. I push Quinn inside and then climb in behind him. "How was Santiago?" I ask him as he sits in the drivers seat and drives away. I pull Quinn's head onto my lap and hold his hand.

Matthew shrugs "He was hit at the beginning. A flesh wound, nothing major. He doesn't think we were the shooters and I don't think his men were either. This could be the Italians"

I shake my head "Why now? They've got their market and we've got ours. It could just be another gang or something"

He nods "You've got to prepare for the worst. This could be the Italians and it could get ugly really quickly"

I hate that he's right. I've been in charge for the majority of my life but I've not been running things until quite recently. I started giving orders when I was thirteen and I'm still trying to gain the respect of my men. A few more years before an attack would be nice.

We sit in silence and I start to think that Quinn's fallen asleep but when I look down he's still awake and just staring. He's not here, I know that.

As we pull into the driveway, I sit him up and let go of his hand to open the door for us. Matthew helps me get him out of the car and then I wrap my arm around him again to help him into the house.

He's walking better on his own but I can tell he's not really paying attention.

When I open the door, only Lisa is in the foyer. She sees us come in, sees the blood and Quinn staggering around. Her eyes go wide and she rushes over to help us. "Go see Arthur. He'll get that all fixed up" she says to Matthew waving him off. "Lets get you upstairs before someone sees you" she says to Quinn even though he's not listening.

The two of us get him into my room undetected and I take his shoes off as Lisa tucks him into the bed. She tugs me outside and shuts the door so he can't hear us. "What's wrong with him?" I ask her as soon as the door closes.

She smiles weakly at me. "He's in shock jagadka. He's never seen anything like what he saw tonight. Just give him a little bit of time to recover"

I nod and she pulls my arm towards her to look at it. The blood isn't mine but it's starting to ache the way it always does after I over-exert myself. It's an older injury that I haven't fully recovered from. "I'll get your support bandage" Lisa says and walks away.

I go back into my room and stare at him for a bit. He's asleep now and looks peaceful. I walk over and crouch down until he's eye level.

He had a normal life and I ruined him. I did this.

I feel my eyes start to burn with tears and my lungs don't seem to work anymore. I want to run, but don't know where to. I just don't want to be here. I don't want to feel this.

I want to breathe.

But I can't.

I back off and manage to get myself into the bathroom and lock the door before I have to sit on the ground. I tuck my head into my knees and try to wait for it to pass the way it did before.

I'm crying now and I can't stop it. I'm a complete wreck and I can't help it.

Why can't I keep it together? Why am I such an embarrassment, a failure?

After a little while, it does start to pass and I can finally breathe properly. My hands are still shaking and there's still tears on my cheeks but I got through it.

I pick myself up and wash my face at the sink before leaving the bathroom. Quinn's still asleep and Lisa isn't back yet. I slip out of the room and head for the kitchen.

I don't see anyone on my way there which is good and then I go straight to the pantry. I rummage through the cereals at the back before I find where it's been hidden.

With my stolen item clutched in my hand, I make it back up to my room again without being seen. I place the bottle of vodka on the dresser and dig out my weed stash from my sock drawer.

I think today's as good a day as ever to break my no smoking in the bedroom rule. I take a drag and watch the smoke fill the room as I breathe out.

I take a gulp of vodka straight after because I need the feeling to go away. I need the scared voice at the back of my head to shut the fuck up and I need that to happen now.

Whatever you're going through, you're never alone. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to speak with.

You are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.