Guns and Roses

BONUS ~ Alexander

The house is silent which is strange. Ever since Rya turned four she's been screaming and shouting constantly. I didn't know something so small could make so much noise.

"Rya!" I call out, "Where are you, passerota?"

She doesnt answer. Is she hiding? Or asleep? It is getting late.

I walk down the hall towards her room and see that her door is closed. I knock gently before going in.

She isnt visible to me straight away but I quickly notice the lump underneath her bed covers, "Passerota," I laugh, "What are you doing?"

Lisa keeps warning me against calling her passerota but Rya gets upset whenever I call her something else. We've settled on a compromise that I will only call her passerota when we're alone.

She still doesnt answer and a ball of fear starts to form inside me. My stomach turns as I go to the side of her bed. If anything was to happen to little Rya it would destroy me.

I pull back the covers and she gasps in her sleep before starting to come to. Her face is wet with tears and Bonbon is clutched to her chest, its ear still caught between her teeth.

"Awex?" She says sleepily.

I stroke her face, "What's wrong?"

Her eyebrows furrow together and her eyes fill up with tears, "Can we go see Mummy today?"

I shake my head, "Its too late now. We can go tomorrow ok?"

"But I want to see her now. Why cant I see her?" She says stubbornly.

I climb into her bed beside her and move her onto my lap. Technically she's the leader of the Russian mafia but she's still so little.

"Can we go see daddy then?" She asks.

I shake my head and watch as she cuddles in under my arm, "Your mummy and daddy will be getting ready for bed now."

"Can we wake them up?"

I start to laugh and she rubs her eyes. "You're tired passerota. Try and get some sleep."

"I'm not tired and I want mummy and daddy!" She shouts at me. Her bottom lip starts to quiver and I really regret waking her up.

I sigh, "You're exhausted." She starts to wail and I pull her up. Her arms wrap around my neck and I get to my feet. She's going to be too big for me to do this soon and I dread the day that happens.

Her head falls against my neck as she cries and I softly sing an Italian lullaby that my mother would sing to me and my brothers before she died.

I hold her tight in my arms as she drifts to sleep and my heart clenches as I think about the life she will live. I'm going to have to train her to fight, to kill.

I'm going to have to turn this innocent little girl into a weapon or she'll die. She's going to suffer but I make a promise to her that no matter what happens, I'll be there to hold her hand through it all.

****

Artie puts the gun into her hand and adjusts her grip on it. He steps away and takes a deep breath, his face stony.

I hold onto the table to stop myself from grabbing it off of her and ending this before it has even begun.

The man tied to the chair in front of her whimpers through the duct tape and the bag over his head. The lights are low as well to try and minimise the mess that is going to be made.

"Now aim it at his head, just like I taught you," I instruct her. She lifts the gun and uses both hands to keep it steady. She's a terrible shot which is why she's standing so close to him.

She's fired a gun before so shes aware of the noise and the kick. I've done all that I can to make this as easy as possible.

Artie looks a little bit sick as he watches her. Both of us have done the exact thing she's about to do and we both remember how awful it was. We also both know how necessary it is.

"Now squeeze the trigger," I tell her, "It'll be over quickly."

Her face screws up and she takes a ragged breath. She's scared and its killing me that I cant do anything to console her. She has to do this.

The bang finally breaks the silence and I watch as her eyes widen as the bullet hits its target. She kept her eyes open, good girl.

I quickly walk forward and take the gun from her. Her hands are shaking and she's not blinking but staring ahead. It's so dark that she wont be able to see the blood but she's looking anyway. She knows it's there, she can smell it.

"You did it, passerota," I tell her, unable to keep the pride out of my voice, "Its over now. The first is always the hardest."

She nods and then a proud smile finds it's way to her face, "It wasnt too bad." She says.

The lights suddenly flicker on, "Its dark as fuck down here," someone says in Russian.

I watch in horror as Rya sees the mess that has been made. I turn and see the body of the man with his head back at an unnatural angle. Blood covers him and the floor and theres pieces of brain on the wall behind him.

Knowing something is there and actually seeing it are too completely different things.

A choked sound comes from Rya and she grabs onto me. She sees the blood on her hands that I was hoping to get off her before she even saw it. Too late now.

She starts muttering in Portuguese and then switches to Russian. Her words are all mixed up and in a strange assortment of languages. It's like her brain has malfunctioned entirely.

"Alexander," she cries softly.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me, "Its ok. I've got you. I've always got you."