Sunflower

15.2 - A Party

Micah

(trigger warning)

The music is deafening. I feel each beat resonate with my heart rate, each thump like a tiny explosion going off inside my chest. Lights pour into the room as people dance the night away without a single care in the world. Streaks of blue, purple, and pink all flash before my eyes, causing a deep ache to spread across my head and down my spine. There's screaming, there is someone everywhere I turn. Jocks chug can of alcohol, girls I've never even seen before play beer pong in the corner. I feel tears rest in my eyes. Theo disappeared hours ago, and Cath is no where to be seen.

I'm standing in a corner, wondering why I am here.

What am I doing here?

I don't like people, I don't like loud noises. I don't like small spaces. I usually never think of my house as a small space, but with so many people suffocating each room, I feel as if I'm trapped inside a small crate.

Worst of all, the smell of alcohol slaps me hard in the face. It's a scent that has familiarized itself with these rooms and hallways. It's a scent I've gotten used to, even when it seemed to have left two years ago.

Two years ago.

What a time it was to be alive.

~

His screams filled the house. His deep, low voice caused the house to shake. It caused these walls to ache with pain, ache with fear. I felt the desperation to claw away the wallpaper, claw a way out of this prison my parents call "home."

Tears stained my pillowcase; warm, thick tears poured down my cheeks, almost resembling the pools of blood that would trickle down my face each night.

I prayed he wouldn't come into my room.

I prayed to God he wouldn't hurt me anymore.

But whenever he fought with Mom, he would always appear in the door frame. His silhouette would linger above my body as I was forced to lay on my mattress, invisible chains restraining me to the bedposts.

Leave me alone, I sobbed to myself.

My heart slammed itself into my rib cage, as if screaming to be released. It wasn't ready for the first of fear that would soon wrap around it tightly. It wasn't ready for anything, it never was. Maybe that's why I felt it hammer away inside my chest all the time, because it was scared.

I was scared.

I was always so scared.

And when the smell of beer grew unbearably strong, I knew he was there. He was standing outside my room, waiting for me to let him in.

I wouldn't that time.

I wouldn't.

The door was locked, and I hugged my pillow firmly as his fists began to pound upon the wood loudly. As the years passed, I would realize that that pillow was my only friend.

"Open the door," he shouted.

I shook my head, tears flying from my eyes.

"Open the goddamn door!"

"No!"

"You'll regret saying no to me!"

As soon as those words left his mouth, the door came flying down.

~

I wipe away the tears that are now painted across my cheeks. As the strong scent still pumps through the air, I feel my stomach flip inside my body. The sudden need to vomit causes my throat to ache. I rush to the upstairs bathroom, next to Becca's room.