Sunflower

21 - Sleepwalking

Micah

He walks into the classroom, tripping over his feet. His shoulders hang, his limbs appear to be weak, no longer any use to him. He stumbles to his seat awkwardly, and the teacher, as well as a few students, shoot him glances, as if wondering what the hell could be wrong with him.

But I know exactly what's wrong.

As he sits down, I lay my head on the desk, away from him.

How could he do this again?

I think back to the night of the party. I was drunk, wasted. Maybe him seeing me like that.. maybe he thinks it's okay.

It's not okay.

I feel warmth radiate off my cheeks.

It's anger.

I'm filled with rage. I feel every bad memory I've ever had flood into my head, causing my heart to ache. Each breath I take becomes heavy and full from the ocean inside my chest.

We sit through the entire class without speaking to each other.

When the bell rings, I get up and quickly make my way out of the door. Students crowd around me, and usually it would make me nervous, but I can hardly pay attention to that. All I can see are empty bottles of alcohol surrounding me. Everywhere I turn, I see Theo taking another swig, I see my father throwing another bottle at the wall. Tears cloud my vision, and my body aches to get away, to be alone.

I just want to be alone.

Loneliness is the only thing I can trust. It won't leave me, it won't betray me like everyone else has.

I feel someone's hand grab my shoulder, causing me to stop walking. Turning my head, Theo's lifeless eyes meet with mine. I blink back the tears.

I don't like him like this. I don't like the Theo that shows no emotion.

He smiles at me, but it's numb.

I can only stare at him.

His smile fades, and his hand travels down to my arm. His fingers lace together with mine, and for a second, I forget the fact that he's completely hungover. I forget that he's pretty much unconscious right now. I forget that he might as well be sleepwalking.

But then I remember, and I push his hand away.

"Is somethingg w-wrong?" He asks, slurring his words. He's trying to hide it, but he's a god awful liar.

"You're a terrible liar," I say angrily.

His eyes light up with concern, or shock maybe, I can't tell.

"Micah-"

I interrupt him. "Just... leave me alone, okay?"

I turn away from him and continue walking, becoming one with the ocean of students that flood these hallways each day. Each of them are stuck in their own little world, one that keeps spinning. I'm jealous. I wish I wasn't trapped here, frozen in time and place. I wonder when my world will continue to spin again, when the sun will shine, when the moon and the stars will wave to me once again.

~

I pull into the driveway of my house. I see a different car next to Mom's, and I sigh. She's probably invited another one of her "friends" over, to have dinner with and later keep me up all night with their fun.

I can't wait to leave this house.

I park behind Mom's car and make my way to the door. I'm greeted by Mom opening the door with a smile spread across her cheeks. It's rare that I see her this way. Only when she drives me to my therapy sessions, and when she's had a good day. She seldom ever has a good day.

"Hi, Honey," she says and waves at me. I wonder if this is all just a dream. She seems so happy, so caring, so unlike herself. I know it's all just an act, but I can't help but feel relieved. I fear the person she becomes when she is herself.

"Hey Mom," I reply as I step into the house.

She stops me and closes the front door.

There is something wrong, I can feel it.

"Micah," she says, our eyes chained together. My heart rate increases as her stare holds mine. I hate eye contact, especially with her. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay?"

She looks up the stairs, then down the hall that leads to the kitchen.

"Your father is here."

~ shi