Sunflower

9 - Don't Go

Micah

The second I feel it happen, I jump back and fall off the side of my bed. How I managed to fall off a king sized mattress, I have no idea.

Theo looks down at me, the tear that once trailed down his pale cheek gone. All traces of sadness disappear, as if the sorrowful hug we shared hadn't happened only moments ago. Instead, I see a smile piercing his face. One that scares me, one that's daring me to say something.

What do I say to him?

He saw my arm.

I know he did. He knows I did.

And now, one of my secrets is out in the open, naked and exposed to someone I've only know for not even a day.

He runs his hand through his hair, his long, white locks slipping in between each of his fingers. My heart skips a beat. What is wrong with me?

"You're an idiot, you know."

His words take me by surprise, but I feel the truth in his statement send cracks to slither down my heart. Or maybe they were already there, and someone is just pouring boiling water in the wounds. Either way, it hurt.

"I know." I reply softly.

Without warning, the unpredictable boy begins to laugh.

He's laughing.

And something about his soft chuckling makes me laugh too.

"Why are we laughing?"

His eyes shift away from me for a second, as if he can't look me in the eyes when he's lost in his mind. I bite my bottom lip.

Does he notice?

Sighing, he reaches out for me. I take his hand, and he helps me up.

"I laugh when I'm upset," he replies.

He's so honest. How does he do it?

Honesty has always scared me. Maybe because no one was ever honest with me, or maybe because honesty was the tornado that ripped apart my life. Or maybe because I like secrets, I like the silence of keeping secrets. I don't know.

But I do know one thing.

I don't like honesty.

Only, it's fitting for him. He wears it like a heavy coat, or a slick blazer. It wraps around him like a soft blanket, keeping him warm, protecting him from the harsh breeze that always seems to torture me. I wonder what the blanket feels like underneath my fingertips.

"Why are you upset?" I ask finally.

Once again, his eyes dart to my desk, or the pictures on the wall, or my bathroom door. I really can't tell what he's looking at.

Maybe he isn't looking at anything. Maybe he's just staring off into a different world, one where ignoring me seems to be easy.

Maybe is a repetitive word.

"Because you're sad."

He looks me in the eyes again. I see a certain confidence glimmering in each of his pupils, like stars speckling across the night sky.

I feel warmth rush to my cheeks. "How would you know?"

He glances at my sleeves, then back at me.

I chuckle nervously. "Right."

"Why are you so unhappy?" He asks.

"It's none of your business."

"It should be my business."

"What does that mean?"

Smiling, Theo grabs my hand. He pulls me onto the bed, and I don't object. Something fluctuates in my chest. My heart is beating 90 miles per minute, and I feel vines begin to grow around my rib cage. What the hell is this feeling?

He stares into my eyes.

"Why are you so unhappy?" He asks again, as if he hadn't noticed my attempt to avoid his question. Why does he care? Why does he want to know so badly?

"My sister hung herself."

There goes another secret, gone with the wind. I feel the desperation to reach out for it suffocate me, fill my head. I want it back almost as soon as it bounces off my lips and into the air.

My secrets are so easy to keep. I've always held them tightly.

But now they're all pouring from my lips, and I don't like it.

I don't like it.

My heart is aching. He isn't saying anything.

God, just say something.

Please.

..

"I'm sorry."

My heart fucking hurts.

I feel my lungs begin to close, tears well in my eyes. I feel the world I'm carrying on my shoulders stop spinning, and its weight instantly quadruples.

The walls of my large, yet empty, room start to enclose me, trap me on this bed. It's like an island out in the middle of nowhere. Loneliness sings to me, the trees shade me from the scolding sun. Only now, their leaves seemed to have fallen, leaving me in the sand. I'm waiting to die, I'm waiting to burn alive.

"I think you should go," I say without looking at him.

Say no.

He looks at me for a few seconds before hopping off my bed. My heart drops as I feel his weight leave the mattress. I want him to stay, but at the same time, I want to be alone.

Isolation is my safe place. It's a different world, a world I can run to when things get tough. When words become too loud, and when silence isn't loud enough.

He leaves the door open.

~ shi