reconsider

him

her fingers laced through mine and i didn’t know if it was the fact that she was touching me, or the fact that she was the one who initiated contact that sent my mind into a permanent frenzy. so long, i waited so long for her to reappear in my world. this was the first time we’ve seen each other since the funeral… the first time we’ve spoken since the phone call.

“do you want to go on the ferris wheel with me?” 

her eyes meet mine, and it is the only thing i focus on besides her hand in mine while we manoeuvre through the bustling crowd of tourists. “with you? nah, i think i’ll just get on it by myself,” she teases.

i scoff, “fine then,” i retort, feigning hurt.

she smiles and tugs on my shirt. “…you know it would be the most compelling thing i could do today, especially if it’s with you.” i always tease her for using what i call “big words” and what she calls “normal words”. she is, after all, one of the most compelling girls i’ve ever met. “hey, before we get on the wheel, let’s go on the merry-go-round!” she suggests excitedly.

“are you serious?”

she pouts, her eyebrows furrowing as if she’s trying to remember something. “i’m feeling like a kid today. it’s the best feeling besides—” she abruptly stops and i am immediately curious as to what the last words to her sentence were.

i reach out to her and hold her hand while we wlak towards the merry-go-round, not caring about my ego for just this little moment. i try to ignore how her hands are shaking, though. i look at her, how the sun illuminates her freckles that she thinks are annoying—but i think are endearing—and how her eyes glisten. she’s a masterpiece; an artist’s most prized possession, she’s an artwork made to hang on the walls of museums, but she’s so… fragile. i almost wonder how she had been created—what paintbrush had the strength to conjure her, how she always seemed to be ready to just disappear into the walls surrounding her. i was suddenly very angry. she deserved to be painted on the biggest canvas in the world. she deserved to be painted in the sky. she deserved so much more than me..

“come on, let’s go on the merry-go-round,” i say, tightening my grip on her hand, pulling her towards the ride. her smile is all i need. her eyes are all i need to see. her voice is all i need to hear. she’s all i ever want in life. and i hope she doesn’t get freaked out by my constant staring at her as we wait in line. but, somehow, i think she’s just as enamoured as i am, because i catch her peering at me a lot, too. i have waited so long for any indication that she might reciprocate what i’m… feeling. the way her hands fit in mine confirm my hopes.

i love the fact that right now, as we're waiting in line, she's wrapping her dark blue string bracelet around my wrist with her delicate fingers as if she’s handling a bomb; making me feel even weaker in her presence. i wonder what's our fuse.