Cliché Love

#26 Damsel in Love (Part two)

Broken things don't come in pairs.

Ryan had always had a hard life, be it breathing without his pump in his pocket or finding a girl loyal to only him.
He surely had the worst luck in his love life, only gave his heart to two girls both of whom had no regard for it.
Though, he thought never let the two colour the image of womanhood.

So, when he knocked on her door on the next Sunday evening he didn't find anything out of the ordinary. A wine bottle in hand and two glasses in another he wore a smile that he hoped would mend her heart.

Maria pulled open her front door and Ryan felt his breath hitch. She had her wet hair up in a messy bun, her pale face flushed perhaps from the heat of the long shower she must've had. She wasn't surrounded by that suffocating smoke, which was a pleasant surprise. She wore simple red pajamas and a frown.

"I don't recall smoking." She cocked her head to one side.
"Truce?" He gestured to the wine and smiled a little more. Her frown deepened and with it his confidence faltered. Was he being too forthcoming?
Nonetheless, Maria pulled open the door and let him in. The television was on playing reruns of suits which Ryan was thankful for. Atleast now he had a topic to build up on.
His eyes fell on the half empty pack of cigarettes with a matching lighter on the couch but he didn't voice his discomfort but only pushed it aside and sat down.

"Should I be concerned?" He heard Maria ask, "Are you here to collect evidence of my smoking?"
"I think I have enough of that already. The smoke is a pretty good alert in itself." Ryan played along, humouring her.
Against her better judgement, Maria seated herself beside him and focused on the television.
"Is this season five?" Ryan asked, having genuinely forgotten a good part of the series.
"Yeah." Maria was still tense, having a strange man in her apartment on a Sunday afternoon wasn't her ideal way to end her weekend. Though, being in the presence of the particular individual was rather comforting, was this how all the victims of vicious murder feel minutes before their demise?.

Two episodes and one bottle of wine later.

Ryan clicked pause, straightening his shirt and thinking of a way to approach the wall that Maria had around herself.

"So, this is the last packet of nachos I have." She announced, returning to her spot that was now a lot closer to Ryan. He noticed she had loosened up a bit but still not completely.
"Let's savour it then." He hadn't expected his voice to drop down an octave and he definitely hadn't expected her shiver for the same.

"Why hide behind all that smoke?" Ryan didn't want to beat around the bush anymore, that's all he had done the past two hours.
"I don't understand?" Her eyes definitely told a different story.
Ryan raised an eyebrow, clearly having called her lie.
"Okay, I do hide behind the smoke." She admitted in a quiet voice. "Everything seems better when it's hazy, like now." Maria paused, looking at him, "Don't look at me like that."

"Like how?"

"Like you want to save me." She whispered, they were too close but her brain was functioning too slow to respond and pull away.

"I know you're capable of saving yourself, Marie. I just want to be there." Ryan could feel his nerves all over the place too and he thanked the alcohol in his system for the slight boost of confidence, "Tell me, does it hurt?"

Maria gulped, her breathing was laboured, she blamed her heart which was frantically beating in it's cage.
"Yes." Her eyes glassed over, "it hurts that even though I know he doesn't love me, I find ways to have hope that he does. It hurts that every guy I see, I compare to the likes of him. Why?" Her words merged with the other, the tears fell from her eyes. Ryan was still an outsider to her story but he didn't stop her to ask details. He was not an interrogator but just a listener in this situation.

"Maria. I understand that coming from me it might not be much, but I can tell that no man can walk away from you but baby, the past should stay there." Ryan shook his head, a lecture wouldn't help her heal, he could see her spiraling, "Tell me, are you comparing this moment with the ones you have had with him?"

Her watery eyes looked up at him and he could see the guilt clear in her grey eyes. "I am."
Ryan had suspected as much.

"Tell me, if I kiss you right now, will you think of him?" He was inching closer to her, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the pad of his thumb.
"Maybe." It came out more as a gasp as Ryan's thumb brushed her plump lips as they moved.
"Tell me, did he ever kiss you like this?" Before Maria could register, Ryan had taken her lips in an intense kiss.
He held the back of her head, keeping her upright so she wouldn't fall by the force he was kissing her with. For a fleeting second she pitied her lips but soon all her thoughts were consumed by the passion she felt in a strangers kiss.
Ryan knew that sweet kisses were not what her heart needed, it needed to be shook out of it's love trance.
Maria couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips getting lost in his, Ryan took her lower lip between his teeth and pulled her, she followed his lead and lay above him in the couch.
"So, tell me," He breathed heavy against her swollen lips, "did you think of him?"

"Who?" Ryan chuckled at her confused query and looked at her with amused eyes as she fell into realisation.
"I-I" she fumbled, back tracking and actually thinking of how she had kissed a complete stranger. Well, a kiss would be an understatement of what that was.

"I never do this." She finally let out, getting off of him and pulling her shirt down to cover her mid riff.
"Hey, you don't owe him anything." His soft voice broke through to her frenzied brain.
How could he know? Maria wondered. How did he know that she actually felt a certain amount of guilt, somehow.
"I don't." She affirmed.
"Listen to me, baby, what ifs never take people anywhere. They make you stay in the past and wonder. Only wonder. If he isn't here, he isn't worth it. If he ever loved you, he has lost you. Leave him there and look at what else you have."

"I need a smoke." Maria could only mutter that out, her hands shaking.
"I'll be out of your hair, then." Ryan got up to leave but she caught his hand.
"No." She whispered, "I need it, but I can learn to live without it." Ryan smiled at her, the deeper meaning loud and clear.

He sat back down beside her, pulling a loose strand behind her ear. He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead.
"Tell me, do you love saving people?" She asked him, stealing his lines.
"I'm not trying t-"
"Lies." She interrupted, "you love saving people, it distracts them from trying to save you." He was stunned. He wanted to deny it, he had indeed multiple times denied it. He didn't need saving cause he wasn't broken.
"Tell me, does it hurt?" The concern in her words made his heart stop, suddenly she was mending him.
"Maybe." She didn't hesitate to straddle his lap, noting his wide eyes at the action.
"Tell me, can I break the walls around your broken heart?" She leaned closer to him.

"I don't know."

"Tell me, can you only think of us when I kiss you?"

Only two broken pieces fit together. .

**********
I mean. It's definitely ending here, that's for sure.
Thoughts?

Love,

Rojesta.