Dealing - zayn malik / 1d

June 12th

June 12th

It's been barely a week since Niall died…

Everyone seems to be getting through it okay. At first it was hard for me to get past it, but every time I look at Zayn and see how far he's come in the last few days it makes me proud and I know I have no excuse not to get on. I know how hard it's been for him and I know none of us have helped. We've been walking on eggshells around him for so long he finally broke, he decided to show us up and make us get off of our butts and get on with living.

Last night at dinner, our first official meal together since it happened, we all sat quietly … waiting. A silent tear rolled down Sophia's cheek and she smiled. "So… who's gonna say grace now?" she choked through a soft sob.

The guys laughed but it was a bittersweet laugh. A laugh all of us would gladly have given up if we could've had Niall there at that moment, praying his adorable little prayer.

Zayn was the first to speak up, shocking all of us into silence, but we followed his lead and bowed our heads. "We just thank you for the time that we have together, that we'll learn to appreciate it and cherish each minute of it because we don't know when it will be the last. Let us enjoy this feast that Harry has prepared for us, that we'll eat enough for Niall. Just tell him we love him."

I kept my head down a moment longer not ready to make eye contact with Zayn just yet. No one was. That was his first step. He'd made his, now we had to make ours. Louis was the first to reach across the table as always lacking in manners to grab the largest piece of chicken he could get breaking the silence as he barely managed to get it on his plate and not in Eleanor's lap.

"He would've been proud of that one," he'd chuckled as he'd slapped Zayn on the back.

Dinner was quiet but enjoyable. Every now and then a joke would be told, nearly all of them in bad humor, a weak attempt to lighten the mood but we'd all laughed compliantly.

When we'd finished eating, Eleanor and I had helped Sophia with the clean up but after a few moments I'd realized I was in for an interrogation. They'd just wanted to know how Zayn was doing and I answered the best I could. He wasn't himself and I'm more than sure it's going to be a long time before he is himself again but he's dealing. They'd watched me intently as I'd answered their questions not having much of an answer for any of them. He's dealing. That turned out being my answer for more than a few.

They're watching me now. I guess they think I can't see them, that I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't feel the stares. I wish Zayn would get back so I can spend some time with him. But as much as I want him with me right now, I'm happy that he's finally leaving the house. He's at the studio with Harry and Louis, I'm not sure how long they're going to be gone or how tired they're going to be when they get back but I'm just glad he's getting out.

Before he'd left he'd held me against him, quietly, one hand cupping the back of my head as I'd buried my face in his neck, absorbing his scent, the other rubbing my back soothingly. He'd kissed my temple and pulled away.

He must have seen the worry in my eyes because he was quick to reassure me that he was fine… but the words that came next pleasantly surprised me…

"Don't cry because it's over Frank…" he'd said with a crooked grin. "Smile because it happened… Niall would want it that way."

With that he'd brushed his lips over mine and walked away. Why hadn't I thought of that?… Smile because it happened.

Smile…

Frankie