Dealing - zayn malik / 1d

August 12th

August 12th

I finally talked to Louis. He caught me at a vulnerable time I guess. The loneliness had gotten the best of me. I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone since I got here, that didn't involve the Post-Amarna period and the death mask of King Tutankhamen.

Sure, art's my passion but sometimes I need to just talk about absolutely nothing at all.

*smile* Louis is good for that. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying he's less than there but he's good for a laugh when needed. I definitely needed one.

I never realized how much I missed him until then. He gave me an earful about taking care of myself. "Don't go out by yourself at night." "Are you making sure your doors and windows are locked before you go to bed?" "Do NOT get followed home from the French Quarter and by NO means set foot in one of those trashy tattoo joints. You want a tattoo you call me."

I always hated the fact that I didn't have an older brother to watch out for me, but Louis has filled that spot quite well.

He's not just some sassy little brat that gets his charge out of aggravating people. A lot of people think he's Harry's little lap dog, doing anything he's told to do but he's not. He protects his friends… well… his family. He protects people he doesn't even know. He knows when people are weak and vulnerable and he knows how to help them when they need it. Sophia's our nurturer. Liam is our conscience. Louis is our protector.

That's how I met Zayn. Louis brought me home after beating the hell out of my abusive step-father. I don't know how he found me but I'm glad he did. Looking at him you would never have imagined he could pack a punch but I've since learned that he'd do whatever it takes to save someone. I'll always be indebted to him for that. He saved my life.

And he introduced me to Zayn.

I'll never forget that day. Louis watched me like a hawk. He wouldn't leave me alone for a second and when Zayn showed the slightest bit of interest in me Louis gave him the third degree. It took months to get him to leave Zayn and I alone much less go out on a date. But we finally did and never looked back.

I think Louis feels responsible for me and for everything that's happened. He feels it's his fault so he calls every day for his own peace of mind.

Honestly I think I just answered the phone out of guilt. I feel bad for leaving like I did but it was something I had to do for my own sanity if nothing else.

I talked to Sophia for a little while. Apparently Louis had snuck out after dinner to use the phone and she followed. She knew he was up to something. As usual, she was right.

I made him promise not to tell her where I was. She wanted to know I was okay. She asked me a thousand questions that I answered without giving much information. The last thing I need is Sophia packing everyone up and heading to New Orleans.

What I do need is Zayn back in my life.

I wanted so badly to tell Louis that I didn't care if he slipped up and told Zayn he knew where I was. I know Sophia's inevitably going to say something to tip everyone off and then all hell's going to break loose for him. But Louis can handle it.

He's a big boy. Strong enough for both of us. He's going to have to be because I'm getting weaker and weaker every day.

As if things can't get worse… tomorrow's my birthday. I'll be 24. I took the day off. Why? I don't know. I have nothing planned. I have no one to make plans with. Can I possibly shut myself out from the rest of the world anymore than I already am?

Yeah, I know… I'm all about some self pity.

I'm only in this situation because I put myself in it so get off my ass, stop whining and get on with life. Stop living in the past.

I'd like to see you try that… it's not human nature.

Frankie