Dealing - zayn malik / 1d

June 8th

June 8th

I saw him for the first time today and it nearly broke my heart.

Well it wasn't really the first time. I guess it was the first time I'd really seen him… for who he is, not the cool, aloof, street smart, tough wise ass that I've known him to be for so long.

Niall's funeral was a surreal. The world stood still…

I actually thought I'd make it through without breaking down but that was until Zayn finally let go. As the casket lowered he fell to his knees, his face buried into the soggy ground as the rain fell in steady streams over the group. We all watched in silence as sobs wretched his body over and over. I've never wanted to hold someone and comfort someone as much as I did Zayn at that moment. It hurt to watch someone you love hurt. After letting him let go for nearly two hours the rain unceasing,  Harry had to physically carry him away from the gravesite.

He hadn't slept for days… his best friend was gone. He's not coming back. That's not something that's easy to accept. But he blames himself, that's the worst of it all.

Sophia somehow managed to get him to take a sedative and he's getting some much needed rest… but it's not peaceful. As I write this, I'm watching him toss and turn. The covers long since kicked off of the bed, his body soaked in perspiration and his brow furrowed with worry.

I never knew Zayn was capable of that kind of love. Not the romantic kind of love that he hides from everyone else but shows me unconditionally… but that kind of love that you have for someone who's closer to you than family… the kind of love that goes beyond measure. Trust is never an issue. You know without at doubt that the person that you love this unconditional way will always be there for you, will never turn their back on you and would give up their life in order to save yours.

One day, I'll have my Zayn back. Until that happens, I've got to be there for him… show him the kind of love he had for Niall, I know it won't be easy. Niall was like his brother… was his brother blood notwithstanding… I'm just a girl.

I'm a girl that loves him with every ounce of who I am. I'm a girl who's going to be patient and caring and help the man I love come to terms with the loss of his family. I know no one or nothing will ever replace Niall in Zayn's life but I'm going to do my damndest to make sure Niall isn't forgotten, that he's always in our hearts and in our minds but the hurt will heal, with time… and the fond memories will still linger…

…and Zayn will come back…

With Love… Frankie