Dealing - zayn malik / 1d

August 14th

August 14th

Louis is adorable… have I mentioned that?

We spent the day in the French Quarter doing the tourist thing. He's never been able to do that here before so I did my rightful duty as a "proud" resident of New Orleans and took the day to be the world's greatest tour guide.

We had breakfast at the Café du Monde. He only decided to leave when I promised him he could come back and get more beignets on our way home. He was already a mess after two cups of coffee and four beignets. His measly excuse of a goatee was covered with powdered sugar and his black t-shirt was nearly white. He didn't care said it was the best damn thing he'd ever eaten and he was going to have to get Sophia to learn how to make them.

We wandered down Decatur then over to Market Street. Louis bought something for everyone. More than once he picked up something to buy for Niall. I never said a word, I just walked in the other direction and let him realize it on his own. It was a sensitive subject and I was best not bringing it up at all.

We stopped at Margaritaville on our way back towards my car. Apparently Eleanor's been on a margarita kick and Louis thought a set of glasses would be the perfect gift.

After we left I took Louis to the museum. He wanted to see where I worked. He was impressed though it was obviously out of his element. I've never been so nervous.

Louis has this thing where he has to touch things… I don't know how many times I had to remind him it was a look only building. He didn't seem to understand that alarms go off when you get within 3 inches of touching many of the sculptures in the building. That seemed to be what fascinated him the most.

He couldn't begin to imagine why people thought pieces of metal and steel melded together in abstract creations were considered art. I answered him simply. "Your car is nothing but melded steel is that art?"

Needless to say he shut up quickly.

That was the extent of my tour. I offered to take him to some of the cemeteries or at least St. Louis #1 so he could "visit" Marie Laveau. He wasn't amused. Turns out, our big protector is a little scared of things that go bump in the night. "I'm not messing with that freaky shit. Get me out of here. It's getting dark. Don't we have some movies to watch or something, love?" he'd said.

He's on the phone with Zayn right now. I don't think he knows I can hear him but the walls have always been paper thin around here. I can't begin to tell you how many times my mother heard some of the names I called her after a fight. You'd think I would've learned after the first few times but I never did.

They've been on the phone over an hour. When we got home I went upstairs to take a shower then went about my usual routine. Louis was in the living room when I came downstairs but went into the library and closed the door when I walked into the room.

He didn't have to tell me who he was talking to, I could tell by the expression on his face.

Apparently things had not gone well from the start of the conversation. His voice was strained and pleading when he walked away. He was telling him where he was. I'm not sure if it was Zayn to begin with but I knew it was Zayn now.

He's telling him that I'm hurting. I don't know why. The last thing Zayn needs to do is worry about me. There's enough going on without that.

I didn't tell Louis I was hurting but I'm sure he could tell. He's always been able to read me. Normally I wouldn't mind. Right now I felt like I was being betrayed. I shouldn't feel that way. He has good intentions. He wouldn't have come here if it were otherwise but I've never been one to have someone else interfere in my relationships.

And Louis has never been one to interfere. I think he's scared for us though. He knows that Zayn and I have a good thing and he doesn't want us throwing it away over this. I don't either. That's the last thing that I want.

Apparently our time of healing should be over, from Louis' point of view that is. I don't know if Zayn will ever completely heal over losing Niall. My problems are minor compared to his. I think mainly…

I'm just scared.

My mom spent her whole life looking for someone to love her. She never found them. I don't want to end up like her. I know I have Zayn. I would do anything in my power to keep him but I'm so scared that I'm going to lose him that I just can't fight anymore. I want him to be there for me, when he's ready to be there for me.

"She loves you…"

I could kill Louis sometimes… God love him I could. He just had to tell Zayn I loved him. Zayn knows I love him. I don't think there's ever been a doubt in his mind that I love him. He just needs to know I'm ready when he is.

~ Frankie