Am I Crazy?

Miyleigh (Miley)

I returned home later that day. Medication in one hand and a leash in the other. I was exhausted. Life has been beating me with a bag of bricks lately. I wish I could just disappear. I would be better off being a forgotten memory. Someone everyone only refers to as the kid who killed himself. Not because I'm depressed not because I don't love living but because I seem to mess everything up and have always made a mess of whomever's life i'm in. It's not fair to others to have me still on this earth. A walking bad luck charm.

"Oliver?" My mom asked peeking her head into my room. "You feeling ok?"

"I'm fine just need sleep lot's of sleep." I answered rolling over so I could see her.

"Just let me know if you need anything alright hun?"

"Yeah."

I laid on my back staring at my ceiling. Everything seems so right. Yet everything feels so wrong. I don't know what I plan on doing with my life but I do know one thing. I won't ever make it to see my 18th birthday. You know why. Because I'm already done with life now. Why should I have to live through more useless years.

Ash whined by my door wanting to be let out. I sighed getting off my bed to let him downstairs. I couldn't even stand the sight of myself as I walked past my mirror. My hair was a mess I had an old faded shirt on and tattered old sweats on.

"You're disgusting."

"Ugly fat pig."

"Maybe if you stopped eating so much you wouldn't looks so shitty."

"Maybe people might actually want to be your friend."

"People would want to be seen with you."

They aren't real Olly they aren't real.

"If we weren't real then how would you hear us?"

"Were as real as can be."

"You're just crazy."

NO. No. They aren't real. Stop letting them take over. Olly you have this.

This time I wasn't able to help myself get rid of the voices in my head. They keep going they are always going on and on about how shitty I am. How can I not listen to them. They are with me 24/7 I'm sure they know what their talking about.

I am crazy. Everyone would be better off without me. They were right. I am not who I want to be and I never will be. I was born to be a statistic. I'm not worth anyone's time or money. I'm not worth meting. I'm not worth falling in love with. I should just switch to online school or something. Keep everyone from getting hurt by me.

"Olly I'm heading to work I don't know why you're not answering my texts." Mom said from my door way letting Ash back in my room.

He was happy to be back at my side.

"I shut my phone down in class I didn't want to deal with it." I said "I guess I forgot to turn it back on."

"Well please turn it on. I need to be able to get a hold of you while I'm at work just in case." she lectured before leaving.

I searched for my phone in my bag. It was at the bottom. I turned it on to see messages from everyone worried. I read through them all.

Connor : Please don't do this Olly you don't want to shut everyone out.

Connor : HOLY SHIT ARE YOU ALRIGHT

Micha : hey you ok Olly? I heard what happened 2nd period.

Kayleigh : Can I bring you soup?

Kayleigh : Is that the appropriate response to your friend having a seizure?