Am I Crazy?

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Life isn't fun or worth living. But here I am 15 years on this planet suffering. Never once have I had a quiet moment never having a will to do anything. I just lay there eyes closed music playing and no will to go on. I've had enough of having to deal with these voices and seizures and panic attacks. Ruining people's lives. I feel like nothing I do really matters. Like I could just disappear and no one would notice.

I brushed my hand against my leg. The feeling of old scars as my fingers touched my skin. Reminders of how terrible life is. How much pain I was in. How terrible my life has been.

"You know you still have some."

"The old box buried by wigs in your closet."

"Memories from your family."

"Momentos."

"Blades."

No I don't need to get back into that. I can't not anymore. I've come too far. Or have I? I've been stuck in the same depressive state for days now. Laying in bed not going to school. Just barley living. Maybe I was just meant to be a statistic.

"You were."

"I can't believe it took you so long to get here again."

"You were born to kill yourself."

"Born to die."

"Sooner rather than later."

I believed them. I mean who wouldn't . You live your whole life with these voices in your head they start to get to you. They make you feel this way. I need a break. I don't want them anymore. I never asked for this.

"You know we will leave if you do it."

Temporary. It's all temporary. They'll be back they always come back.

"You know you can get rid of us forever."

"Just kill yourself."

"We'll be gone."

"No more suffering."

"Heartbreak."

"Anxiety."

"Depression."

I looked over at my closet. It's true. If I did die I wouldn't have anymore problemes. I felt my scars again. They were proof I can get through this. Proof I can keep going on. But I needed help. I didn't want help but I needed it. Mom was at work so there was only 1 person I could call that I felt would understand. Connor.

Grabbing my phone I clicked his contact and my phone dialed his number. I couldn't breathe. My chest felt as if it had bricks piled on it. The phone was ringing but no one had answered yet. I almost lost all hope when I heard a concerned voice on the other end.

"Olly are you ok why'd you call? I haven't heard from you in days." he answered.

"I need you to come over please. Just till my mom gets back from work." I wasn't sure what he'd say but it was worth a shot.

"I'm on my way now be there soon."

The call ended. I just needed to wait for him. Wait for Connor. Wait till someone is here. Don't do anything stupid.

"Ha you think he's going to help?"

"Did you not learn anything from James?"

"He's going to think you're crazy."

"He won't ever want to see you again."

No Connors real and they aren't. Or at least I don't think they are. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if they were bugs who learned to talk.