Am I Crazy?

Kiss Me Already

I woke up for the second time this time alone. Anthony had already made his way to group. Somewhere I was expected to be. Somewhere I didn't want to be. But I hopefully will be going home today.

"Oliver Group starts in 1 minute." A nurse said smiling at me through my open door.

Shit. I needed to make it on time. I rushed out in my pajamas and into the large room. Everyone's eyes stayed on me as I walked to the seat right next to Dr. Nelson.

I wish I could say group was okay. I wish I could say that about any group session but it never was. All of it all the time was how are you feeling? Are you happy today? Any thoughts of suicide? Is there anything making you feel the way you do? I just wanted a normal life. I wanted to be able to wake up and go to school.

"Oliver?" Dr. Nelson asked pulling me from thought "How are you feeling on a scale of 1-10 1 being the worst 10 being the best?"

"Uh 6 I guess." I said softly.

"And why is that?" He wanted to know more.

"Because I hate it here but I feel like I should be getting out any day now." I responded empathising the words getting out.

Maybe he would get the hint. Talk to me man let me know I'm leaving. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE.

I'm just tired. I want to sleep in MY bed. I want my dog back. I want my life back. Sure it wasn't the best and might not ever be but it was better than in here. Better than scheduled meals therapy sessions movies. Tired of being told I can't even use a pencil because it's hazardous.

"Oliver why don't you came talk to me in my office before you join the others for breakfast." Dr. Nelson said as he made his way to the door.

I followed in hopes that he would be the one to say I could go home. But I was wrong.

"So Oliver what makes you feel like you would be going home soon?" He asked as he sat in his chair.

"Well I don't know maybe it was the promise I would only be here till you know the medication started working." I huffed "I was told once I had no voices I could leave. I have no voices I want to go."

"We don't think you're ready to though." Dr. Nelson calmly said resting his elbows on the desk "You're still having severe panic attacks every few days and haven't eaten a full meal since you've gotten here."

"I'm fine." I said my voice cracked I was on the verge of tears. "I'm fine, I really am why won't anyone listen to me for once."

"Than how about this you tell me why you should be able to go home and I will consider it." God even hearing his voice makes me want to scream.

"I already did I was only admitted for observation as I got used to my medication and got used to it. Even that was only because I have seizures that could be triggered by the new chemicals in my body and it was safer for me here where I'm supervised 24/7. I'm tired of being here and I sure as hell hate having a hair eating roomate. Just let me go home dude I truly am fine." I stared him down the entire time.

"I'll have a talk with your therapist this afternoon please join the others for breakfast and try to eat something." He said with the same smile he had plastered on his face all the time.

I walked out and headed towards the breakfast line. It wasn't too long and I was in grabbing my food in less than a minute. Though I didn't want to eat I grabbed an apple and made myself choke it down.

An hour had passed before we were dismissed. That was when I was finally told I would be released and my mother was on her way to get me.

"Gods took you long enough to realize I am fine." I groaned as Dr. Nelson sat with me while I packed.