in the life of luke.

4/9/19

4/9/19-
Fuck you. Fuck you for making me worry and tossing and turning my stomach in the middle of the day and night. Making me so unwell I missed multiple days of school. Fuck you for being my everything. Fuck you for coming into my life and tilting it on an axis. Fuck you for being the only one to either make or break my day. Fuck you for leaving me in confusion and hurt multiple times. Fuck you for taking shit out on me that I didn't cause. Fuck you already.

On another note. School is killing me. Making each day worse & worse. I can't wait for graduation. I can't wait for the day when I fly away for good, leaving everyone and everything behind. Never looking back. Never coming back. Far too gone. They would never see it coming when the day comes. Turn the phone off. I don't want calls. I don't want texts. I don't want to face the silence of the screen. No more messages come through. Gone now. Not gone for good. Make the move or maybe wait it out. My chest hurts. Please don't leave me. I need you. I want you. I am better off without you but not yet. I can't face it. You aren't good for me. But I live for it. Live for each hard crashing down low, the impact shattering me. Then you slowly pick up the pieces and everything seems okay for a bit. But not really. You couldn't find a few pieces of me. No longer intact and perfect for you. Struggling to be everything you want and need and still not amounting to even be close enough. Still so far away. What's wrong with me? Was I ever not enough? Was it something I said? Did you stop loving me at one point? Why wasn't I enough for you? Why do you make me feel like I'm enough one minute then tell me to fuck off as I'm nothing?
You're fake. As fake as the lies and promises you once told me. As fake as the love you once showed me. As fake as the first I love you fell from your lips. As fake as the persona you displayed. Fake. Fake. Fake.