Almost Something, Almost Everything

best friends

Two weeks ago I was told by people I am very close to that I (a) read too much John Green, (b) should not express myself, and (c) am a weird, emo, strange, quiet, attention seeking, dramatic, b*tch. You may choose to believe I am over exaggerating, but I promise every one of those words, and more, were negatively used to describe me, despite the fact that none of those are negative things, except maybe the b*tch part.

That experience resulted in the deleting of one of my Instagram accounts, and the disabling of my Wattpad. After I was sat down by these people who, supposedly, love me, I walked away. One of the people came and talked to me privately. This person was the one I trusted most out of anyone in the whole world, now, I, although it's harsh, entirely despise her. She talked to me and told me, again, that I cannot be "me" in front of other people because they will think I am weird and will not want to talk to me. She told me that the things I do I only do for attention. She said I read too much John Green and it is messing with the way I think. She says it makes me only think a certain way. She says the specific quotes I love so dearly from Green's books are "stupid metaphors 'n sh*t." She said she hated John Green because he was just a normal person. She says if anyone sat down for long enough they could write just like Green. She says that everything I have ever written is not my own ideas. They are thoughts implemented into my head by John Green novels. She told me that nothing I had ever written was original, I typed it but I did not write it.

And two weeks later, I thought I was okay, but I am still balling my eyes out even thinking about the things she said. When I started writing she was the first person I ever let read my stories. It was roughly three years ago when she first read "The Story of Us" which's name was later changed to "Complicated." I have never trusted anyone more than her. I used to think I was just cracked, but because of her, I now believe I am... broken.

I wrote her something after she said those things, I placed it somewhere I knew she'd find it, with a copy of my favorite book of all time, John Green's "Looking for Alaska." Later that night I heard her talking about me behind my back. She was telling others I was dramatic and looking for attention. She said there was nothing wrong with me, nobody should worry, or even pay any attention to me because that's all I was looking for, attention. At that moment I learned that all these years every time I came to her with a new novelette she was only annoyed with me. She didn't care about my writing. She found me obnoxious because in her mind I was looking for attention, but in mine, I just wanted someone to talk to. I wanted a friend, I wanted her. Mostly though, I wanted to let it out. I wanted to be done keeping everything inside. I thought she was my outlet, but she never even cared in the slightest bit.

I was so hurt. I ran to the other room and grabbed the message I had written to her in one hand with "Looking for Alaska" in the other. I took the paper and the book before she could ever read either one. Today, I will share with you the exact letter I wrote to her that night. She doesn't deserve to read "Looking for Alaska" or any of my writing either, but for the record, it is my writing. Here it is, enjoy.

*Insert name here*,

I know you think John Green is stupid. You probably think he isn't anything special and people give him too much credit for basically doing something anyone could, for writing something anyone could. I will respect your opinion because you are entitled to one. I hope, in return, you will respect mine.

I disagree with you. I believe John Green is special. If I could grow up one day and write even half as good as he does I would be the happiest person in the world.

I have read a lot of books in my life such as "Don't Give a Mouse a Cookie," "Magic Tree House," "The Book Theif," and plenty of John Green novels. But this book, "Looking for Alaska," is my all-time favorite book, ever! I read it back in August, and I can't stop thinking about it. I would appreciate it if you'd take the time to read it yourself. It may never mean as much to you as it does to me, but that's okay. I just want you to get a small understanding of where I'm coming from.

That small understanding is this: I often find myself befriending fictional characters and I am not ashamed to admit that I do view John Green as my best friend. And when we move away I hope that I can make new friends at school and be friends with John Green.

The reason why John Green is my best friend is because he's always there. He is always sitting in my locker, in my hands, or waiting on my shelf when I get home. He's always there. John Green can never ditch me. He can't turn his back and then stab mine. You may say that he is not my friend because he doesn't know me, but that is exactly what makes our friendship so indestructible. He is capable of making me smile, cry, and laugh without ever knowing me. I may be sick or crazy for saying that, but its the truth. And I'm not in any position to deny the truth. I'm not sorry about it, either. I won't apologize for being me, ever! John Green doesn't know me, so he could never hurt me or hate me, and I don't know him either. I don't know him, he doesn't know me, and maybe you never knew me either.

It doesn't matter how much research I do, I am aware of the fact that I WILL NEVER KNOW JOHN GREEN. I can sit here and recite fact after fact, but I won't know him.

- He went to Indian Springs

- He has OCD

- He wrote a book from the perspective of a girl with OCD ("Turtles All the Way Down")

- His wife's name is Sarah

- His son's name is Henry

- He has a Youtube channel with his brother, Hank

- Hank is also an author

- Hank invented Vidcon

- He had the idea for Vidcon while on the phone with John

- John went to Harvard

I could probably go on forever, but it will never matter. I don't know John Green, and that seems to be the only thing right in my life right now.

"Looking for Alaska" is the first book John Green ever published, and in my opinion its the best. Please, read it.

On another note, I would like to tell you that you are wrong. You said earlier I love these books because there must be a character just like me, but you're wrong. Nothing, no character John Green, or anyone else for that matter, has ever written, or could ever write, is anything like me. It's not the characters I love. It's not the storyline. It's the quotes. Those stupid metaphors and stuff that you hate so much, they mean more to me than anyone could ever begin to comprehend. They are my world, and quite possibly my reason for life.

"Maybe our favorite

quotations say more about us

that the stories and people

we're quoting."

-J.G.

I love the fact that John Green doesn't know me because when people truly get to know me they think I'm, among other things, weird, but I'm okay with that. They can call me weird because I am, and I will accept that truth. I hope one day you will, too.

Love,

your all too poetic friend,

ac9623