Fairy Diary

Inseparable

8. Fun, the year of the Unicorn 

Dear diary,

Upon revealing our huge secret to the world, Van and I have became inseparable. I can't help if he finds me irresistible, and doesn't want to leave my side.

If I am being honest, he is not so bad himself. I enjoy spending time with his awesome self.

But I can't help but notice how different it is from everything that I am used to. Spending time with him is more exciting, more invigorating than anything I had experienced before, and I used to love every second of it.

I have even started enjoying the company of his friends. In the past, I have always considered those guys to be reckless idiots, and they are, but now, I have learned to appreciate their quirkiness. Even though they do the craziest possible things, they are very fun to spend time with.

They make even mundane things, such as housework, fun by always singing and dancing while doing the chores. It becomes a kind of competition, who would think of cooler moves and songs to perfectly fit the jobs they are doing. It's hilarious.

The most important thing for me is that they love Van and respect me. That is why I can't dislike them even if I tried. Sometimes, they make me mad, and I don't like that, but they are generally so likable that I forgive them easily.

As for my friends, my dear friend Clementine simply adores Van, so we can easily hang out with my friends as well, at least the ones that I have left.

So, the fact that we are inseparable doesn't seem to be a problem for anyone except maybe me recently.

Don't get me wrong, I love Van, but sometimes I just need to be alone with my thoughts. From time to time, I miss having 'me' time. Even though I find it so romantic that we do everything together, I still need some alone time as well.

I don't want to end our relationship, ever, but I do wish we could spend some time by ourselves.

These days he even goes to work with me.

In my opinion, everyone needs to spend some quality time alone so that we could better appreciate other people's company.

Even fairies need some time to recharge. I can't do that while my darling elf is there beside me, being either the sweetest elf ever, or the most annoying one ever, both of which I find cute, but still...

I just need some time to sit at the beach looking at the waves. It would be so refreshing to have some time to talk to myself, to gather my thoughts, to grieve my losses. Although I would never tell anyone, not even Van, I am hurting.

My own family doesn't accept me, and although I put on a brave face, I am in so much pain.

I have always been so positive, I think I can be again, but I just need some time to be alone. I need to cry out the unshed tears that are suffocating me so that I can be fully present in my life.

Complaining about my life is something I shouldn't do. I have more than others. Some of my friends are supportive, I have a lot of new friends, and most importantly Van is there beside me to be my lifeline.

All of those things are great, but I also need time to truly understand what I have lost, and generally who I am now that I have been rejected by my people. It's a lot for anyone to process, and I didn't have time to process any of it.

The moment people found out, Van and I started spending all of our time together. I think we are compensating for all the time we spent apart. In my opinion, we have started overcompensating.

He can even read my mind sometimes, and it's a bit too much for a relatively young couple such as we are. Maybe after a hundred years of marriage, couples start developing that feeling, but right now, it seems a bit too early.

We are finally able to hold hands in public and to flaunt our relationship for everyone to see. They can admire how cute we are together, or how perfectly we are matched, but we forgot the most important thing, to just be ourselves.

In our enthusiasm to spread our happiness, we got lost in our relationship. We lost our own identities in our eagerness to show the world that a fairy and an elf could love each other so dearly.

Sometimes I miss the early days of our relationship, the mystery of it all, the guessing game. The time when I had no idea what Van would say or do, and when I couldn't perfectly predict his every move. Everything changes and I accept that, but haven't we changed a bit too much?

Once upon a time, that wasn't so long ago, everything was so new and exciting, and now it seems like we have become stagnant. We have arrived at a certain point in our relationship, where we became almost one person, and it feels so safe that we have stayed there for far too long.

Before we told everyone about our relationship, we had this special spark that burned so brightly when we were in each other's company, while now it feels like a slow burn. There is still an immense amount of love and passion, but I don't know...It's not the same.

Maybe I do miss us spending some time apart, but most of all, I am vexed by the fact that everyone started seeing us as one entity.

I am my fabulous self! I have spent my whole life trying to get to where I am now, I don't want to lose that. Van is his wonderful self, and he shouldn't be seen as a part of a whole, neither should I.

It is all well and romantic when they speak of soulmates as two halves of a whole, but this is different. We are in danger of losing ourselves in the relationship, and then, what would be the point of it all? I am in danger of losing the person I love. To stop that from happening, I just need some distance, some time to meditate and relax.

Maybe it doesn't make sense, but for us to improve our relationship, we need to have more time away from each other. Sitting under a weeping willow, and looking at the sun pouring its rays through its branches and coloring the leaves in different shades of green, sounds about perfect right now.

Van is too active to enjoy something like that, so maybe he could spend that time doing something he loves, like riding the waves, or some other crazy thing he and his friends do.

One problem that I can't solve is how to tell him. How do you tell the elf you love, that you need some time alone without him thinking that you want to break up?

The best solution I can think of is to just bluntly tell him what I am thinking, feeling, and hope he understands. I don't want to lose him, but I fear if we don't find time to enjoy our hobbies, we will lose ourselves in the worst possible way.

Life was so much easier when I had no worries, and when I spend after work hours just racing with butterflies, or blowing dandelion fuzz.

Although I am much happier now, I am also a bigger mess of emotions than I used to be.

I guess they were right when they said that love is complicated and that people had to work on their relationships. It is clear to me now, that for a relationship to work love is not enough. Relationships take effort, and I am ready to do all I can to stay with Van, hopefully forever.

When I was younger, I always thought that love was all anyone needed for a relationship to succeed, but now, I see I was wrong. Some other things are necessary for the relationship to survive: understanding, honesty, and a lot of effort.

Well, wish me luck, tomorrow I am going to share my feelings with Van. Hopefully, he will understand and agree. If not, I am not sure what I will do.

No, no I will not think like that. Everything will be fine. It's just Van, he will understand.

Whatever happens, I promise I will let you know.

Goodnight.