GLITTERS | | seongjoong

7.

Why was he so sad? Seonghwa wondered why was he feeling that weird pressure weighing his whole body down, almost making it hard for him to breathe properly.

It's not like it was anything bad, or like Hongjoong slapped the hell out of him; he just asked to leave him alone. But something deep down Seonghwa's heart told him it wasn't just that, that there was something deeper to the boy's outburst. He wanted to find out more than anything else, but he simply couldn't as Hongjoong was not only ignoring him, but he also didn't show up to school for the next two weeks: something that nobody found troubling except for Seonghwa.

——————

Flashlights. Screams.
Hongjoong was slowly making his way to the backdoor of some entertainment building, for another meaningless variety show. To be honest, he didn't even like the hosts, he just wanted to make his fans happy, and occasionally get someone out of his head. He flashed sweet smiles here and there, making small hearts to his fans, but his real heart wasn't in it. He felt tired, emptiness overwhelming him.

       He thought he shouldn't feel like this, thousands of fans sending him love messages everyday and showing him support. He knew he wasn't alone, but nobody really took the time to know who he really was, his thoughts and struggles. They knew him through what he said on tv, social medias, but that wasn't really him. Hongjoong was shy; he loved reading books, poetry and warm colors. Not all those superficial sparkles. Except the ones on Seonghwa's eyes.

Stop thinking about him.

    He quickly shook the thoughts out of his head, keeping his joyful aura and thanking his fans before quickly entering the building.

   He had been filming for quite some hours now, playing small games and fake laughing with the hosts. The only good side of it was that right in front of the filming was a wall made out of glass, so the fans could see everything and maybe even interact with their idol.
     It was now the time for questions. He was sitting in front of the hosts, answering questions with answers that were already written, leaving him no chance to make a mistake. Except at the last question. Was it added at the end?

"Hongjoong-ssi.. you're already 18, aren't you? which means that as you're growing up, maybe there's someone you like? do you have someone in your life?"

At the same time, his mind started rushing with thoughts- he was panicking. Why was he even stressed about it? he could have just said no and ended it here, but there was a name that popped in his head and it was becoming so hard to deny it. He looked around swiftly, catching the eyes of his manager's eyes, the latter— named Jongho, showing him a thumbs down, meaning he should (like always) lie.

"U-uh? no! no no no.. my fans wouldn't like it.."

"Hongjooooong! Of course we would! Suck a dick!"

His gaze quickly averted to the source of the shouts— presumably one of his male fans. He was trying really hard not to laugh but miserably failed when he saw the shouter's friend hitting his head softly with his lightstick. But it didn't last long.
      The other eventually lifted his head up, blushing a crimson red when he noticed he had his idol's attention. No.. the fuck?

Oh my god. Jesus Christ dear father.

      Seonghwa just stood there, gasping for air. And Hongjoong was too— but not for the same reason. The blonde because his idol was starring at him, and the celebrity because his (almost) crush was there. He thanked all the saints for all the makeup he had on his face and black hair dye kinda shit because he was truly fearing that Seonghwa would discover him.
He then just smiled, avoiding the feeling of fear going up his spine and went back to the discussion, laughing awkwardly.

————

"Hyung, what exactly was that?"

"What was what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Who was the boy? you knew him, right? Tell me."

"He's.. he's.. no one, okay? just a fan.."

"Kim Hongjoong.. I'mma slap your face with that mic in a split second if you don't answer me."

" I can have you fired at any minute, y'know? but since you're my friend, sit down."

Jongho sat with a mischievous grin plastered on his face. The boy had always been a friend of Hongjoong— as far as they could remember. They always had a love-hate relationship with each other, always picking on each other and sharing insults at random times. But this was their way to communicate and show affection, and god knows their bond was strong, and that they wouldn't get through life without each other. 
Hongjoong started rambling about all the events that occurred, from him falling on his butt to Seonghwa's shows of concern and him shutting him up, not forgetting to mention the whole lie going on. He had said everything at once, barely catching his breath during his monologue. And when he finally stopped, he raised his head only to find Jongho, looking at him with disappointment clear in his eyes.

       "My dear, you got yourself in some really weird shit." Jongho simply stated, bland of any judgement whatsoever.

        "I know! I know that very well, but how am I supposed to solve the issue? I can't find a single fucking way and my brain is already buzzing from thinking this much."

         "That's the thing, you think way too much. Don't you think the poor guy deserves better? And don't start on that he deserves better than me bullshit. I'm talking about an explanation."

"But it will ruin everything! He's a fan of me! He will never see me as myself Jongho!"

"How do you know that? How can you go and assume things about someone like that? From what you told me, Seonghwa seems like a pretty understanding guy.. you can never know until you act."

         "Boy, you're telling me to go confront him? What am I going to say? "Hey I'm your idol and I've been lying all this time?""

         "Yes? Except with a more.. subtle approach. Oh! Gotta go.. meeting with Yeosang-hyung! Catch up with you later. Think less, okay?"

Before Hongjoong could even open his mouth, Jongho had stormed out of the room, leaving the door wide open. Sigh. He burried his face in his hands, eyes closed tightly as he tried to distance himself from everything happening around him; noises, people chatting or screaming, music, seonghwa.

I can't. Too soon, too late. Why can't I be brave for once?