GLITTERS | | seongjoong

12.

"Y-you first." Said Hongjoong, taken aback by the sudden action.

The latter had of course been informed by Yunho that he was going to drop off his "lover boy" and to be honest, he had kind of expected it.

That's why he had freaked the fuck out and called Jongho, who was in a date with Yeosang— but he couldn't care less. He was panicking. The two had exchanged for only a few seconds, mostly Jongho encouraging his best friend "it's for the best! don't worry, he won't hate you!" while also telling him to fuck off, because well, he was in a middle of a date.

So here they were now, walking to Hongjoong's room, awkward silence accompanying them as they stayed silent the whole way there. To say the least, the taller of the two really wanted to scream to fill that silence, but nothing was done. Instead, they just sat right in front of each other, avoiding their gaze as the both of them were directed to their fidgety fingers.

After a few awkward minute, Seonghwa indeed started to talk, taking the deepest breath he had ever took in his whole life.

"I like you." He had blurted out, voice tight in his throat as he looked everywhere beside the one the words were directed to. He mentally cursed himself when no answer was heard, thinking how dumb his decision had been— even though only ten seconds had passed, he was just an overthinker.

"W-well, I like you too? you're a good frie—"

"Not like that, Hyungjoong. I like you, as in love. As in "I want to hold your hand and kiss you and share my concerns" kind of like. I.. I don't know if it's mutual, but if it's not.. p-please don't be mad at me, I'm s-sorry. I shouldn't have don–"

"D-don't say that.. No.. you can't." Cut Hongjoong, tears threatening to fall down as he now stared at Seonghwa, a look of utter despair in his eyes and.. guilt? The taller couldn't exactly pinpoint that. So he raised his eyebrow, asking why he couldn't, when he had just did.

Hongjoong did feel guilty, more than ever now that he knew his feelings were shared, because how would he react when he told him what he wanted to say? He was going to hate him, despite his guts more than ever. And he was so scared, so sad to break Seonghwa's already damaged heart.

"I'm not who you think I am, Hwa." His voice came barely in a whisper, head lowered to prevent from seeing Seonghwa— coward.
"I'm not Hyungjoong. My name.. I'm Hongjoong. Like, the idol, that's me."

Silence.

"Joongie.. that's like, not funny, y'know. We were talking about deep shit and you just crack this bullshit? Lame." The chocolate haired just chuckled, although it sounded kind of nervous.

"But I'm serious. Look, the reason why I wasn't there most of the time was because I had schedules, why I was acting so cold was because of all of this. You can't believe me, right? I didn't want to talk to you because I knew I would like you, and would be too much of a fucking coward to tell you the truth before everything went too far. But I did, I love you Seonghwa. I really love you. But I doubt you do anymore? You must hate me, and I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry Hwa. But before you slap the shit out of me, I can tell you that everything I've said, everytime I was with you were real, I was myself, I..I love you."

To say Seonghwa was lost was really an understatement. You know when you lost your mom in the soup isle at the mart and thought you were going to die? Exactly this feeling. His feelings, his whole self was so confused no reaction were able to be shown. Was Hongjoong really telling the truth? Was he really his idol? This would then explain a few things, the similarity of their face, their voice and their absence right when Hongjoong— the idol one— had a broadcast show.
But in another way, he had lied to him, all along, pretending to be someone he was not, acting like a dick and keeping this away from him. Didn't he trust him? Was he so lame Hongjoong didn't consider him as someone able to understand? Didn't he tell him because he was his fan? That was pretty understandable in a way, but Seonghwa was one hell of a comprehensive bitch, anyone who knew him could tell.

He felt anger in his veins. Not at Hongjoong, there's no way he could have felt angry at someone who was scared, who had acted in nothing more than a human.

He was mad at himself. Mad, because he had failed at making Hongjoong comfortable enough with him, he hadn't been enough, again. And that fact, that anxiety he felt from thinking he was a bad friend restricted him from talking, the previous lump he felt coming right back at him.

He waited a few seconds before calming himself.

"S'Okay, J-joong.. I'm the one who's s-sorry.." He stuttered, voice being deeper than usual, the glint of playfulness it had vanishing into thin air. "I still love you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You must have felt horrible, and I don't blame you for any of it.. o-okay?"

Hongjoong nodded, because at this very moment, he couldn't trust his own words, afraid he might say something dumb, or just screw up in general. Which is kind of paradoxal, since he was a singer— supposedly good with words and how to phrase them, whereas Seonghwa was more one to initiate actions.

However, it seemed like tables had turned when Seonghwa felt lips, Hongjoong's lips, on his own.

His whole world stopped, as if the earth only contained the both of them. All his surroundings vanished, leaving only the soft feelings of Hongjoong's hands on his neck to remind him that it was all real.

And even if stiff the first seconds, the taller quickly eased and responded, cupping the other's boy face with his hands. Nothing was rushed— thank god, Seonghwa thought— it was his first kiss. Instead, everything was as light, as tender as they had both imagined, almost as if they were afraid one would break under the other's touch.

They parted unwillingly a few moments later, hands not leaving as they stared at each other. What was inside of their eyes was indescribable; Anxiety, love, fondness, questions left unanswered. everything mixed up.
But, at this very moment, in the calmness of this room, words were mostly unnecessary. What they only needed was each other's warmth and their smiles to feel happy and safe.