✧~= unfinished thoughts =~✧

✧ him ✧

he reminded me of blue raspberry bubblegum and denim overalls. other times, he reminded me of pastel pink faded into deep purple sunsets and walks through the park at three in the morning.

he tasted like sunshine and the feeling of happiness. if not that, he tasted of rainy forests and sadness. it was an amazing experience, to see him in his drastically different personas. i loved and adored him either way.

he spoke oddly at times, words coming out jumbled and a little rushed. he stuttered his words when he got flustered, and sometimes he slipped, accent coming out full force to the point his words were inaudible, a mix of the way he spoke normally and how he used to speak back home.

he was surprisingly mature at times, and others, immature and silly. he could be joking around one moment, and the next, he's looking into your eyes with such an intimidating stare that you wonder if it's the same person you were laughing with only moments ago.

i thought he would be around forever. we talked about being together until our last breath. that night, he held my hand as we sat in the dark and he wiped the tears from my face when i got the news of my uncle.

that morning, i woke up in his arms. he smelled faintly of honey and roses, as he always did. i felt at home in his embrace. the window to my room was cracked just a bit, letting the slight chill of the morning air seep in.

he had tear streaks on his face, i noted in the sunrise glow. but he was still beautiful. he was always beautiful, no matter what he wore or what he looked like.

when he shifted, it startled a bird sitting in the tree near my window. with the flap of it's wings, he awoke, tired eyes scanning the room before his vision landed on me.

he spoke in that beautiful honey voice, a bit raspy, having just woken, but it was endearing. his first words of the day were, "are you okay?" i definitely was not, but he took the pain away with the worry in his chocolate brown eyes.

that day, we sat in the park. all day and afternoon, we enjoyed the warm feeling of the sun against our skin. he was a beautiful soul. sunlight attracted him, made him smile with glee. he glowed under the warm rays, contentedly lying on the blankets we brought.

we dozed lightly under the weeping willows, bodies pressed together, until a child's laughter nearby woke him. he sat up then, startling me awake. i watched him as he watched the children play, a giddy smile on his face. he'd always loved children.

jumping up, he grabbed my hands and pulled me up, laughing at my attempts to break from his hold. "let's play!" he ran with my hand in his, tugging me along the grassy hillside. he stumbled then, and dragged me with him as we rolled down the hill, laughter erupting from our throats as we reached the bottom.

"our socks, you dummy!"

he ignored me, jumping up to startle some birds nearby. he still had a cheerful smile on his face, his happiness making his skin glow.

but with the flap of a bird's wing, he had gone. disappeared right as i reached out to him, panic overtaking me. he turned to me as i fell, a cold stare on his face as i fell into the dark abyss. the earth swallowed me whole, and i fell. i always fell.

he was gone from me now. he had turned his back to me, ignoring my pleading, desperately calling out his name. then he walked, his white socks stained green from the grass, gloved hands shoved into his overall pocket.

he was gone from me.

my beautiful taehyung was sunsoaked. he couldn't be looked at with clear eyes.

every sunrise since, i've waited. waited for his return to me. i've still got his sweaters, tucked away neatly in my closet.

he's always loved the sunrise.