if i love you was a promise | b.e

four

my eyes shot open. a whole zoo replaced the butterflies that had previously been in my stomach.

she ran her hand up and down my thigh gently. i sat in anticipation for what was coming next, but as the uber came to a sudden halt, i was hit by a sudden sense of relief. i had been holding my breath without realising it.

we both briskly make our way to the door of the uber without a word. billie hopped out first, and held her hand out to help me. i would have liked to say the moment in the car was awkward, but for some reason it felt normal. not boring normal, but normal as in something i could get used to. maybe it was because i wanted it to mean something that it didn't so badly. why did she do it?

"do you guys want something to eat?" maggie asked as we made our way up to the lobby.

"im all good, how are you my love?" billie replied, which was surprising since she had just put on a show and had taken pictures with a huge line of people.

"im ok, thank you." i smiled. i really was hungry, but i would rather spend my time talking to billie. maggie waved as they all left to get something to eat.

"do you wanna go up to my room?" billie asked as everyone cleared the lobby, leaving just us and the receptionist. it was late so most people were already in their rooms. "sure" i smiled shyly, not really knowing how to act.

"we can just hang out up there for a bit" she said, leading me to where the elevator was. while we were waiting, she asked, "so how are you? and i actually want to know, so no more 'im ok'. what's going on in your head?"

something about her just drew me in. maybe it was the way her head tilted when she talked, or how her voice got deep and soft when she was trying to be quiet. either way, i found myself trusting her completely. it was like i wasn't standing next to a celebrity, more like an old friend.

"right now? im freaking out just a little bit." i gave a small laugh, looking down at the ground. "aw," she sighed, taking my hand and squeezing it gently. "you shouldn't be. im just a kid like you." she reassured me.

"how old are you by the way?" she continued, to which i answered, "16." there was a short silence before she said "a grandmother." once i realised what she meant, i burst out laughing. not because the vine reference was funny, but just realising she was a weird kid on vine just like everyone else our age was comforting in a way. maybe we were more alike than i had thought.

the elevator doors finally opened and we went up just one floor before we got out and made our way down a hallway. billie unlocked the door of her room and switched on the lamp above her bed once she got in.

it was quite a small room. there was one double bed with white cotton sheets and a blanket. beside the window was a tall wardrobe, and a dressing table and chair with billies clothes thrown on top. her bed was unmade, and the lamp above the headboard was quite dark, but it was bright enough that i could see where i was going and where billie was.

"welcome to my humble abode" she announced, turning to face me before sitting cross legged on the bed. "the bathroom is there if you need it." she said pointing to a door at the back of the room. "sorry about the mess." she said looking around and laughing at herself. "thanks. and im used to a mess." i laughed too.

i stood awkwardly for a minute, not knowing where billie wanted me to go. "sit!" she ushered me onto her bed next to her.

"this is so crazy." i admit, shaking my head, still unable to believe this was real.

"really?" billie smiled and i nodded back. "damn." she laughed, flipping her hair over to the other side of her head.

"so lets talk. where are you from?" billie continued talking.

"im from bristol."

"that's so cool. ive never been there, id love to though." she nodded.

"bro seriously, you need to stop travelling for a bit. tour is wearing you down." i said with a more serious tone, she had been nonstop on tour for almost three years and seeing her up close you could tell how tired she was. she never really had proper teenage years, because from the age of fifteen she was a known artist.

"deadass. but it's for you guys." she replied, but i knew she would rather be at home right now, no questions asked.

"how long has it been since you've been home?" i questioned, frowning a little.

"almost 6 months, i think." she answered, looking away as she was counting the months.

"thats a long time man." i sighed. billie shrugged, repositioning herself and then leaning one elbow on her knee. she rubbed her temple before saying, "if im being honest, it fucking sucks. all this time the only good part has been performing, but now my shins and my neck are fucked and everything is gone to shit. it's amazing that im here and i have this opportunity so young but i just wish..." she trailed off.

"i get it. i wish your label would take you seriously."

"ugh, bro, i actually-" she let go of her breath and just rolled her eyes instead of finishing her sentence.

"it must really suck."

"yeah..." billie whispered but perked up again, saying, "lets get deep. tell me all your shit, ill tell you mine. deal?"

"deal." i giggled. billie pulled out her phone and looked at the time. "shit, it's getting late."

"what time?" i asked, turning to see her phone.

"23:56. its way too dangerous to go outside this late, joey." billie said, concerned.

"ill be ok." i assured her, i didn't want to leave her, but i felt as if i was intruding in her personal life, somewhere i didn't belong. i was a fan, and i already felt bad asking her all those questions before.

"we barely get to talk!" she complained. "you know what? youre staying tonight. tell your friends you got too scared to walk the streets alone so you stayed in the nearest motel."

i paused for a minute, i was at a loss for words. "you mean it?" i finally responded.

she showed all of her perfect teeth, and said "fuck yeah."