if i love you was a promise | b.e

three

"hi" i replied with a crack in my voice, which caused me to blush because i was embarrassed.

billie didn't seem to notice, so i tried to calm down and stay cool.

"sorry this all had to be so secretive. just if we were in public..." she trailed off as i nodded my head in understanding.

"anyway," she perked up, "i thought you seemed cool earlier. and i saw you front row at the show. your dancing was cute as fuck."

the fact that billie eilish was talking to me already had me freaking out, but she said my dancing was cute? i could hardly contain myself.

"yeah, i won't be able to go to any other show of yours for ages so i was trying to make the most of it." i laughed, and billie jokingly put on a little pouty face that gave me butterflies.

"uh," she started, playing with her fingers and looking at the ground. "so i was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. id kind of..." she trailed off again, which i found unbearably cute.

"id kind of like to get to know you"

i stood there, stunned, until i realised she was waiting for a reply. "yes, sure, of course!" i blurted out, and she giggled to herself.

"alright, sweet. are you with friends?"
she must have understood how nervous i was and ignored it, for which i was extremely grateful.

"yeah, i can text them." i replied suddenly being filled with overwhelming adrenaline and disbelief. billie wanted to get to know me? this was too good to be true. i decided not to question it and risk time hanging out with billie.

billie left the bathrooms and held the door open for me. as i shuffled past she put her hand around my back and  guided me through. a shiver went down my spine.

i followed her closely down a white hallway with endless doors until we reached one that said "green room". i didn't get a chance to gather myself before billie burst the door open and revealed a room with tables and chairs where maggie, mike and patrick sat. there was an L shaped couch in the corner where claudia and finneas were cuddling.

"helloooo!" billie announced as she pulled me through the door. "guys, this is joey.. joey, this is guys." i laughed at her goofiness and took in this scene. it was only all my favourite people in a room at once. no big deal.

i was flustered, i stood there with my shoulders hunched up and an awkward smile on my face, looking around the room at everyone.

"hello joey," maggie said in a sweet voice that was so familiar to me. "hey" finneas said with a smile. mike and patrick looked up and smiled before getting back to work on the laptop that was in front of them. i was surprised how everyone wasn't more shocked to see a fan backstage with billie, but more relieved than that.

"you can sit down there beside those fools." billie pointed at claudia and finneas who had no reaction. i awkwardly waddled over to the couch as billie poured a glass of water for the two of us.

"an uber is gonna be here in 10 minutes, billie." maggie informed her. "fire." billie replied, handing me the glass. was i going back to the hotel with billie? i started to feel even more awkward and out of place than before. usually in situations like this i would pull out my phone, but that was out of the question for me here, i was in billies green room, not at a bus station.

"i gotta pee." billie put her glass down abruptly on the coffee table and ran to a door. everyone else started to pack up, so i stood up too. maggie, mike and patrick left the rest of us in the room, and the three of us stood in silence.

i hesitated before questioning finneas, "is it weird that billie brought me back here? you guys didn't seem too surprised."

he and claudia exchanged an all-knowing look, and claudia giggled. finneas looked back at me with a slim smile, then looked down and rubbed his nose with his sleeve. he looked up again and told me, "she wouldn't shut up about you after she met you before the meet and greet. we all knew you were coming." he shrugged.

i was taken aback by what he said. the fact that billie told them about me was unbelievable. did she like me that much? it all felt so weird, but the best weird you could ever feel.

i was still shaken by what finneas said as billie came out of the bathroom. "what?" she said, concerned by all of our awkward faces. "nothing." finneas said, sliding past me, guitar in one hand, claudia in the other.

billie flipped her hair over and sighed before holding her hand out to me, "ready to go?"

everytime she spoke i shivered. it was like hearing a song a million times and never getting sick of it.

i took her hand and she lead me back down the hallway. i laughed to myself at how crazy all of this was.

the uber was waiting outside, holding the door open for us. it was a seven seater. billie pulled her into the back with her and finneas and claudia sat next to eachother as maggie and patrick got in the front seats next to the driver.

mike waved everyone goodbye as we drove off. billie squeezed my hand, causing me to look over at her. it was dark, so all i could see were her chains glistening from the streetlights and a faint outline of her face.

she ushered me to move to the middle seat before i fastened by belt. she slid her fingers between mine with her left hand and took both of our hands in her right. it took all of my strength not to stare at her, so i just closed my eyes and studied of feeling of her hands in mine. after about 20 minutes she slowly moved her hand from between my fingers. i was beginning to get embarrassed. i was thinking my hands had gotten sweaty and she was uncomfortable, before she placed her hand on my knee and slowly slid it up my thigh.