if i love you was a promise | b.e

twenty

billie huffed as she tossed her bag to the side of the room.

"you look exhausted. you need sleep." i pitied her.

"i am exhausted, but i need you."

i felt my whole face burn up. "oh."

billie got onto her bed, crossed her legs and patted the space next to her where the duvet was ruffled up. "come on."

i slipped off my shoes and crossed my legs too. she leaned over and unhooked the blanket, revealing writing all over the wall.

she sighed. "what do you wanna know?"

we sat for hours, each little drawing or sentence had an explanation of its own. it was hard not to cry sometimes, seeing how emotional she got. i had to tell her she didn't have to talk about some things, but she insisted. "i haven't thought about a lot of these things in a while, so it's just.."

her sighs were the most heartbreaking part. when her whole body would sink, her head would lower and she'd need to take a minute. i tried my best to comfort her, but i understood that just being there was the best i could do.

"i keep it covered for privacy, but to not remind myself of it too."

seeing her so vunerable was so strange as i was used to her always being confident and mostly in charge. she had really just poured herself out, and now that she was finished she didn't quite know what to do.

i noticed her eyes well up and immediately pulled her into a hug, triggering waterfalls to come from her eyes. "fuck." she laughed sadly, lifting her chin off my shoulder. she looked down to hide the tears that just wouldn't stop.

she held my arms and leaned into my chest, not trying to hold back anymore. at this point we were both crying.

"im so sorry. i did not expect this to happen." she laughed sadly.

"no, billie, that was too much for you all at once. im sorry."

a smile crept onto billie's lips, a sad smile, but a grateful smile. she wiggled in closer to me and pressed her lips on mine, waking up the butterflies in my stomach. i felt the tears on her cheeks as i put my hand on her face and wiped them away with my thumb, still in the kiss.

she gently let herself fall backwards as our kiss got deeper, almost on her back as i leaned over and let my hair hang over her.

i pulled away, revealing a confused expression on billie's face. she probably wasn't expecting it to end there.

"you're too tired for this." i smiled, kissing her forehead.

"im not. i promise." she pulled me back in to a more passionate kiss, tugging on my hair, making it hard for me to pull away. well, making it impossible. not because she had a hold of me, but because it felt so good.

i allowed her to lay me down and before i knew it, our shirts were off and she was kissing down my neck. "billie." i breathed, my stomach exploding.

"yeah?" she replied, breathless.

"nothing."

she giggled as she leaned back in. i wanted to stop her, but seeing as we had all day tomorrow with nothing to do, she had a long time to rest. plus, i couldn't stop her now.

she pulled off the sweatpants i was wearing, hers being added to the pile on the floor after.

i closed my eyes and let her do what she wanted to do. i knew she wasn't going to go too far tonight. we were both ready for it, but we knew for the sake of our relationship that it was smarter to leave it as long as we could.