spencer reid & matthew gray gubler imagines - DISCONTINUED

regret - s.r.

There is some angst in this so full on warning you also I may change the title soon to something else, I just can't think of anything right now

warnings: angst

# of word: 3,626

Ever since you had gone back to your hometown because of a family emergency, Spencer had been acting weird. You understood that he had been having bad headaches, and such for a while, he had been going to the doctors and getting MRI scans done to see what was going on and what he can do to get rid of them. After a while he told you that his headaches were gone and that he felt better. You found his behavior odd, even after they got better because of what he told you what his doctor had said and what he should be doing but he knew that it wasn't it and that something was wrong with him.

The years you and Spencer have been dating, and few months you've been engaged, you have never kept secrets from each other. Honesty was a priority in your relationship and the both of you never kept secrets from each other, even before dating. You knew he had a secret by the way he acted and can sense his body language whenever the both of you talked whether on the phone or in person. At one point he even hung up mid call after hearing what sounded like a payphone ringing. 

You knew Spencer would never cheat, he was too in love with you to even think about it. Even then you still wanted to make sure, and you asked Penelope to if she can look through his phone call records and see if had made any calls to anyone that wasn't either in the bau or to you. She didn't find anything besides a restaurant that you both loved but went on special occasions and that was it. Before you said your goodbyes, she said that Spencer did ask to know where the nearest phone booth was while they were on a case. That's when you started to over think. All these thoughts were running through your head before Penelope told you that everything was going to be okay and he may had needed it for the case. As much as you hoped she was right, something was still off. 

When you came home, he was still acting weird. He was more careful around you and left the apartment earlier than usual. He played it off as they started to call him in early, but you knew that wasn't the case. You didn't want to be the partner who stalked their significant other when something is off about them, but your gut told you to do it otherwise. Trying to weigh out the pros and cons of the situation you were stuck in, it ended up being equal no matter what you wrote. Spencer was already at work and deciding to go so, you got ready. Before you picked up your shoes, you looked at your left hand, that one finger, where the ring was. He proposed to you month before you left to go see your family at your favorite restaurant. The tears started to fill your eyes as you remember what that night. He was nervous to the point where he started to ramble out random facts instead of focusing on talking about one thing. Grabbing his hand to calm him calm, that's when it happened. He started to talk about how much he loved you and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone who he loved more than his books. By that point you were crying while listening to him, with your eyes paired to his soft brown ones. Once he asked the question, you couldn't talk so you nodded before whispering yes. Everyone in the restaurant started to cheer and clap as he got up and put the ring on your finger. The ring wasn't big, but it wasn't small either, it was something simple he knew would fit you.

Snapping out of the memory, you started to question if what he said was true and if he wanted to marry you or if he loved you. Grabbing you bag, you left the apartment to see him. 

The security desk already had your visitors badge ready once they saw you walking up to the door. Taking the badge and giving a small smile you headed to the elevators. According to what Spencer had said before he left, the case was local and that they wouldn't be leaving. The ride was short, but it felt like a lifetime before the doors finally opened to reveal Alex. She figured you would want to see Spence, so she took you. She noticed your behavior just by the way your ring was. Before you arrived, you had turned to where it was only the band and you knew you couldn't lie, but you couldn't tell her what was going on or what you were thinking. Alex understood that you didn't want to talk about it and ignored it and hoped that everything was okay.