Lost in Paradise - A Troyler FanFic -

Indecision

*Edited/ Updated 12/09/2014*

Chapter Two

Indecision

Noun: Indecision

1.    The reluctance or an inability to make up one's mind.

Tyler POV

I had been right… It was a very long night. All throughout dinner, I found myself being constantly drawn towards Troye, watching his every move, seeing how he interacted with our friends. It was a little alarming to find myself caring about the way his hand slid over Marcus’s shoulder, or the way he leaned in too close to Joe’s face to hear what he was saying over the noise of our large group in the little restaurant.

Why should I care how he interacted? They were his friends as well as mine, and both Joe and Marcus are as straight as they come! No competition to be had there, surely! But where was this coming from? Competition? For Troye? I wasn’t sure I even knew what I felt for him, let alone knew why I was thinking about winning his affections!

I needed to distract myself. Think about something else. Upcoming YouTube events, shooting videos for my people, lining up collabs and deals and secret projects that not even my own mother, Queen Jackie, knew about! I had too much to do and think about this month, let alone think about a possible sliver of emotion I’d felt from a four second kiss a week and a half ago!

And yet, I still couldn’t shake the thought of how cute we would be together. How good it would feel to have a nice warm body lying in bed with me for a change. Getting to wake up and fool around a bit before getting up for the day.

I missed that.
I missed having a relationship.

One of the downfalls of being “famous” on the internet these days is that most of the people you meet already know who you are. They’ve watched all your videos and know more about you than you do! It’s so disorientating, and the biggest turn-off you can imagine!

Kissing a complete stranger that knows everything about you?
No thank-you!

I know what you must be thinking. “But Tyler, Troye knows just about everything there is to know about you!” It’s different. We know each other. He’s not a complete stranger at all. He’s my best friend. A lot of successful relationships start as friends, right? I feel like they can. So maybe this isn’t a completely stupid idea? Or it is?

I’m so confused. Do I look into this feeling? Do I ignore it and pretend like nothing happened? Do I tell Troye and just let things fall where they may? God damn that one small kiss! Maybe I imagined it being better than it was… hadn’t it been a little slobbery? That’s kinda gross, not my thing at all! And his hands had been a little bit sweaty right? Was I overanalyzing this kiss so much that I’d made it better than it actually was? Am I overanalyzing how I’m overanalyzing how good or bad it might have been?

I looked over to Troye, sitting on the other side of the couch, his head resting against Zoe’s shoulder as he scrolled through his Tumblr Tag. Did I even want a relationship with him? If we dated, and then broke up, would we still have the friendship from before, or would it be different? I didn’t want to lose what I already had… but now I wanted more.

I sighed heavily and rose from the couch. I couldn’t keep thinking about this in his proximity anymore… I needed sleep and time to think through everything in peace. 

“I’m pooped!” I exclaimed, stretching my hands to the ceiling. “I’m off to bed… good night everyone!

Connor, Troye, Zoe, Alfie, Joey and Korey all looked up from their different activities and wished me good night as I stumbled off to the spare room. All this thinking had tired me out, and I found myself asleep within seconds of hitting the bed.

                                                                                ***

A/N:

This chapter used to be part of chapter one, as part two, but I decided to make it its own instead. Sorry for any confusion this may cause y'all.

Please leave a comment on how you like the story so far, and where you want it to go! I'm open to any suggestions and Ideas you may have :) 

SMUT IS COMING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

- Jackie xoxo

 P.s sorry this one is so short... I'll make it up to you in the next chapter... I promise ;)