Lost in Paradise - A Troyler FanFic -

Decisions

Chapter 5

Decisions

Noun: Decision

Plural Noun: Decisions

1.    A conclusion or resolution reached after consideration,

2.    The action or process of deciding something or of resolving a question,

3.    The ability or tendency to make decisions quickly; decisiveness

Troye’s POV

I shouldn’t have fucking kissed him. 

God damn Troye, why’d you have to actually kiss him?

We’d had it all planned out.

Step one: Place hand on his cheek.

Step two: Pretend to kiss.

Step three: Pretend to be all flustered and cutesy whilst walking off the stage, in hopes of fooling our fans to think that we’d actually kissed. 

Easy, right?

So then why did I go fuck it all up and kiss him? I mean, sure the camera man was there, and it was the excuse I’d given him when he questioned it backstage… but even if they’d gotten footage, we could have just requested them not to post it online.

Ever since the kiss happened a week ago things between Tyler and I had been off. Strained and tense. Like we were holding our breaths in anticipation for…

For what, Troye? For him to finally accept the feelings that you’ve just given up on, for him to finally give in and try to make “Troyler” actually work? Right, because that’s going to happen!

I scowled at my inner dialogue, knowing it was true. Tyler would never feel the same. It could never work, I was 6 years younger than him, and I lived on the other side of the world. Long term relationships don’t work. I’ve seen people try and fail over and over again, and it’s definitely not something I could ever put myself through. The heartbreak alone would destroy me, not to mention having to see him again at various events and conventions.

Then again, maybe I’m just being stupid and over thinking everything. Tyler had said he was distracted by all the upcoming events and projects he was working on, not to mention getting this years Auguest lined up.

I sighed to myself, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else going on in Tyler’s head other than his busy schedule. Over the last week I’ve caught him blushing and scowling and zoning out at the oddest times. In the middle of conversations, after I’ve said something, or entered a room. I’ve even caught him staring at me a few times, which, although flattering, was a little weird. His behavior had become more erratic as the week went on, and I’d just about had enough of it.

I want to confront him, truly, I do! But I’m nervous. What if he isn’t thinking about me like that, and he actually is just concerned with the next few months? What if he knows why I really kissed him, and feels like we cant be friends anymore? I can’t lose him… he’s my best friend. I can’t!

So I’d made a plan to try and get Tyler alone at some point today, to talk to him about the kiss and why I did it and everything else, but that plan had failed miserably. There never seemed to be a good time to bring it up, and we never seemed to be left alone together, one or more of our other friends was always with either or both of us throughout the entire day.