Different Story | Grey's Anatomy

• Chapter 8: I Hate You, I Love You •

"Go out with me."

Meredith was trying to feed Zola in the kitchen when she was approached by her sister and was slightly taken aback by her suggestion.

"What do you mean, Lex?" she asked in confusion and fed Zola a spoonful of baby food. The little one happily clapped her hands and giggled.

"Oh, you know... Like a girls' night! It will be fun!" she said, walked towards the highchair and pinched her niece's cheeks. She seemed different and Meredith thought she sounded a bit overly enthusiastic, given the circumstances she found herself in.

"Two hours ago you were crying in the backseat of my car and now you suddenly want to have fun?" Meredith pointed out the obvious and raised an eyebrow at Lexie. She, on the other hand, was smiling and was almost making it seem as if everything was back to normal.

Except - it was not.

Meredith put the baby food on the counter and took Zola out of the highchair. She then continued to just slightly pat her daughter on the back while holding her in her arms. Meanwhile, Lexie was still standing next to her like a ghost, waiting for an answer; but not just any kind of answer. If Meredith were to say no, she would have continued to pursue her until she'd say yes.

She followed her to the living room, where Meredith placed Zola down on a play mat and gave her some stuffed animals to play with. The baby happily giggled and held a teddy bear by its ear.

"So?" Lexie continued and Meredith rolled her eyes - discreetly, so that her sister would not notice. She was still looking at Zola. "What do you say?"

"Not sure if it's a good idea, considering what you went through," Meredith replied in concern and stood up, facing Lexie. "What you still are going through."

"Well, maybe this will help me move on," Lexie continued stubbornly.

"Getting wasted won't help you move on, Lex. It will only leave you exhausted and with a hangover."

"I never said anything about getting drunk."

"Well, that's what you were thinking of. Besides, I can't go anywhere. I have to look after Zola, since Derek isn't home. And he won't be home for a while."

Lexie was clearly not satisfied with the answer her sister gave her, but she decided not to press her any further and returned to her room in silence. However, whether or not Meredith wanted to come along, Lexie was definitely going and there was no way anyone could change her mind. She could not stand another day of sulking in the darkness of her room. She had to break out of that confinement and if that meant a night in the bar, then that is exactly what she was going to do.

"Screw a thousand Mark Sloans!" she mumbled and opened her closet. Although she had never been the kind to go to bars and drown her heart and emotions in alcohol, she was going to make an exception this one night. She was already choking on these emotions; every single time she thought of him it seemed as if all the oxygen left the room and her head felt heavy and dizzy. She wanted to get rid of all of that, even if just for a night.

Observing the contents of her closet, she realized that she in fact did not own many cocktail dresses. After a little digging and tossing she somehow found one that looked somewhat decent and decided to try it on. She tried to remember the last time she wore it, but could not recall any memories, which made her question whether she had actually worn it before. Nevertheless, Lexie looked at herself in the mirror and felt confident in it. She was turning around and observed herself from all angles; this was quite a bit outside of her comfort zone, but she wanted to look good for herself and not anyone else, which is why she ended up wearing that exact dress.

After a little bit of make-up and doing her hair, Lexie sneaked downstairs without Meredith noticing her. She was still playing with Zola on the floor and conveniently, her back was turned against the stairs and there was no way she could have heard or seen Lexie leave.

Despite the fact, Meredith was actually concerned about her sister. She wanted her to get over this heartache, but also knew how hard it was having to let someone you love go. She also understood that her words of encouragement did not mean much in this situation, so she left Lexie to try to heal on her own.

It was only after she put Zola to sleep for the night, when Meredith realized that she should try to help Lexie a little bit more. After all, it was the least she could do; although she avoided heavy emotions, this was her younger sister - the only family member that she truly cared about, besides Derek and Zola.

"Good night, Zola," Meredith whispered before she turned off the light and quietly shut the door of her daughter's room. Looking down the hall she stood still,  staring at Lexie's closed door and wondered what she was up to. Nevertheless, Meredith was still confused whether she should approach or leave Lexie alone, which is why she went downstairs and decided to put Zola's toys away instead.

About twenty minutes or so later, Derek came home and made himself a quick dinner. Meredith's conscience was eating her up and after breifly explaining the situation to her husband, she went upstairs and stood in front of Lexie's bedroom.

"Lex?" she gently knocked. "You okay in there?"

No response.

"Hey... I figured you might want to watch a movie, or something? We can watch one of those cheesy ones and cry our eyes out together. What do you say?"

After hearing no response, Meredith decided to open the door and check in on her. She figured that maybe Lexie was already asleep, so she proceeded quietly, however after opening the door, she could not see anyone there. Her hand reached for the light switch and as the light blinded her, she sighed.

"Well, crap."

I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you.
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you.