it was around 7 when everyone had finally arrived, they all seemed happy to be together, nice to know i'm some what included in such feelings. it's a wonderful feeling.
most people had already started drinking which caused me to feel sort of anxious, i've never drunk alcohol before nor really seen young people drunk. my parents don't necessarily count, though they never really liked getting drunk in front of their kids, them wanting to set a good example for their kids. it worked on me in a sense, but peer pressure might get the best of me. even anna seemed comfortable with the drinking and dived straight in, a weird sight to see from her.
i lost track of cam by this time, last time we spoke he said he was gonna go do something with a boy named Ezra, he had a what they all liked to call a 'jew fro', he was kind though. seemed like a stoner mostly, but that's not taking away from his lovely demeanour.
everyone else was deep in conversation, some making out. i didn't expect it to be a party but that's fine, he should've just warned me a bit before hand due to me becoming extremely uncomfortable within confined places with loads of people. sometimes i feel as though i can't breathe when in situations like those, i know it's fairly stupid for me to feel that way but i guess that's what happens when you never really have any friends to hang out with. i don't mind this though, a nice change from what i'm used to.
"what the fuck John!" a girl yelled whilst slapping a boy i presumed was John, he had light bleach blond hair and a smirk on his face. "i'm leaving, fuck you. bye," the girl stormed off with a bag clutched within her hands, i hope she's okay though she doesn't seem to be. we can only hope he didn't do anything to extravagant to her.
the boy caught my stare and winked at me causing a dusty red to appear against my cheeks, i quickly detained my stare finding something else to become entangled with. i really miss cam, i'm quite bored now. maybe i should go look for him.
i left from where i was sitting and rushed towards his room, i put my ear up to the door just to see if i could hear anything. i heard deep breathing and chuckles which sounded like they were coming from a girl and possibly cameron. i know i shouldn't be jealous as maybe it's the girl he likes, i'm happy for him. i didn't want to ruin the moment for him either so i went back down stairs and sat with his cat. it didn't take a way from the sadness i felt, but as long as he's happy i should be okay. i mean i didn't necessarily have a chance with someone like him in the first place, that's how it sorta feels. maybe being friends was a good idea.
"i'm gonna leave now, bye" i said my byes to anna who was begging me to stay for a little longer, but i felt like i was gonna cry if i did stay any longer. glad i didn't have my first drink there either.
how could i let such an insignificant thing ruin my mood? stupid. but i guess that's what happens when you have feelings like this. it's only been a few days but he's the only thing that goes across my mind, he should feel privileged though he doesn't know my feelings for him, but still.
i walked passed the park, it was dark out so i could only see silhouettes of most of the trees and such, it was quite calming. not as loud as Cams place.
cameron -
where'd you go?
y/n -
i left, sorry i didn't get to say bye i just couldn't find you (:
cameron -
you should come back :(((
y/n -
i would but i'm nearly home so it's fine, see you on monday
cameron -
okay, we miss you
*sent attachment*
the image was of him and anna frowning which caused a smile to appear on my face. maybe i'm overreacting but that's a normal thing, sounded like he was with another girl. maybe it wasn't even him, i doubt it.
i took a better look at the image and seen what looked like a hickey on the side of his neck. i nearly broke down right then and there, it's okay.
i made it home and rushed straight to my room ignoring my parents asking why i'm back so early.
all i want is a teenage fantasy that'll never happen. but i want it so badly.
