Flaw in the System

43

The funeral was empty.

    She barely had any family. She had no friends.

    Her seven soul mates, her three brother in laws and a potential friend and her soulmate, went to the funeral.

    They all dropped soil on the coffin.

    Jimin had a death grip on Taehyung’s hand, a tissue in the other as he dabbed away tears. Namjoon hadn’t slept in a week, he threw up every meal he ate and Jin was forcing smoothies down his throat.

    Jin was at his wits end, he was beyond stressed. He took up the responsibility to care for every one when all he really wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry like the rest of them. He only had the opportunity at the end of the day, when he crawled into bed exhausted and cried his little heart out. He didn’t even care if anyone heard.

    Yoongi and Jungkook crawled into bed together, the baby booties at their bedside or on their pillow as they locked themselves from the rest of the world. They stuck together claiming that no one else knew their pain. Their pain was different.

    Everyone else mourned in their rooms. They were too fragile to look at each other. To be with each other.

    The days went by and they marked the days down to today. The first funeral of the week.

    “When’s the next funeral?” Hyuna whispered, rubbing Namjoon’s forearm. Edawn comforted Wooseok, hugging the taller man and patted his back, whispering comforting words.

    Namjoon didn’t even notice that they were left alone, the priest was gone and the confin was under pounds of dirt.

    “We decided to hold the baby’s funeral on Sunday.” He says softly, wiping a few tears away.

    “We’ll be there too, Namjoon. If there’s anything you need, you can always ask us.” She says at the same level, frowning up at him.

    “I know. Thank you, Hyuna.” He offers a fake smile. He then turns to his boyfriends to see them staring at the mound, where she was just buried. Jimin was on his knees, hands dung into the grass.

    Jungkook curled into Jeno’s body as he sobbed, loudly into the younger. His brothers were in no better condition than him.

    “W-why don’t we put our flowers down?” Namjoon smiles softly at them, tears still trailing his face. His heart breaks as he looks at all their conditions.  Those were the first words he’s spoken to them in a week.

    Taehyung is first. He set his white rose down on her grave, his face stoic as he doesn’t let a single tear pass it’s threshold. He leans down, giving the black, shiny grave stone a kiss.

    He presses his forehead against it, eyes closed and fists against the dirt as he whispers his last words to her, “I love you and.. I’m sorry.”

    He pushes himself off and Namjoon goes next after a moment that no one else goes up. He sucks it up and prepares his last goodbye.

    “I’m sorry we couldn’t save you.  I’m sorry we couldn’t save the baby. I love you, Jae. I always will and you’ll always be apart of me…  part of us. Look after us, yeah?” He gives the grave a sad smile and a small pat. He set the white rose down and kisses the headstone.

    Namjoon steps aside and dives head first into Taehyung’s arms. Taehyung isn’t sure how to react at first, his emotions so detached from him, but once he feels Namjoon start to shake with sobs, he instinctively wraps his arms around him. Taehyung buries his nose into his hair as Namjoon leans on him for support and kisses his head.

    Namjoon then falls into his arms. He forgot how it felt like to be loved. It may have been almost two weeks since her death but in that time he has lost so much. He forgot how good it felt to be in someone’s arms. He wanted his warmth, he wanted his kiss, his comfort, he wanted to feel safe and secure.

    And that’s just what Taehyung delivered.

    “One time you asked how I could laugh and smile through the pain… I told you it’s because I didn’t want anybody to know that they won. That they got under my skin. But, funny thing is- after i told you that, you told me for the first time that you loved me. And, God… You got under my skin.” He wipes his nose and chuckles, a finger going over her engraved name. “You went so far, you punctured my heart. Now look at me cry. You won, you got under my skin.” He smiles for a second before a sob breaks through.

    “I can’t even fake it even if I tried.” He says through sobs “And I never will. You got under my skin and you are one of the few people I can proudly say… That you won. And I love you. And I’ll never forget you. Ever.” He kisses the gravestone and leaves her flower there.

    He stumbles up, wiping the dirt from his pants and takes a hold of Namjoon’s hand.

    “Ah, Our Jaehwannie…” Yoongi plops down next to her grave and he lays his head on the gravestone, like it was her shoulder. “You know I love you, right? You taught me a lot. You gave me a lot… I guess it makes up for what you took.” He gives a sad chuckle and his fingers rake through the dirt before he take in a sharp intake of air and manges out, through a choked throat,” Take care of our baby girl up there, alright?  I love you. Both of you.” He turns his head and kisses the gravestone. He closes his eyes and lingers there as memories of the nights he did the same thing to her when they’d stay up together. How he would gingerly kiss her shoulder or her head. He let tears fall as he did it one last time.

    He made his way to the others, back hugging Jimin and kissing between his shoulder blades.

    “Well,” Jin started and sat down. He stared at her name and sighed, “You’re not gone. I hope you know that. You may not be here, but you will never be gone. I love you.” He tilts his body forward and kissed the cold stone, and he wonders just how cold she must be right now. He hopes she finds her way to the light.

    Even if he won’t be meeting her there.

    “Ah, I will try to smile because a certain young lady told me that I looked beautiful when I smiled… Maybe that was the reason I started smiling? I wanted your eyes on me.” He paints on a smile even through it begins to run down with his tears.

    “I can’t visit the cliffs anymore. I can’t dive. Taehyung stopped cutting. Yoongi doesn’t care for people . Namjoon doesn’t read his book anymore. Jin speaks so kindly. Jungkook does things for himself. Jimin isn’t like he was. We’re growing, Jae. I hope you can be proud of us. I love you, baby girl. Send us a little something every now and then. Say hello to our baby for us.” He smiles through the pain and squeezes his eyes shut as he kissed the gravestone. He gets up and stumbles over the the rest of the boy, his back turned as he tries to rid the sobs from his heart.

    “I guess I’m last..” Jungkook sighs as he wipes his tears away and sits on the ground to talk to her. “I hope you have a safe trip. I hope our baby is okay, and is with you right now… I really miss you. I still expect… I still expect to be woken with your kisses. The house is so quiet. It hurts without you. It always will. But… If that hurt means your still in my heart then I’ll take it. I’ll take anything you leave behind, and that includes this hurt. I’ll embrace it. I love you, baby girl. I always will.” He kisses her name, resting her forehead on it before getting up and looking over at his boys. Seeing them unite when they’ve been broken for so long, it brought a new feeling in him.

    He walked to them, rubbing tears from his eye and allowed them to pull him into the group hug.

    “I love you.” He whispered. For a moment, his heart soared as they all said it back and he could have sworn…

    He heard a small feminine voice whisper into his ear, “I love you all.”