The Misunderstood Black Woman

Confusion III

My phone was now ringing, and I swear I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears. This wasn't the same kind of nervousness that I used to feel when I called Khalil. I used to feel warm butterflies and a sense of nervous excitement whenever he answered my calls. Now I felt anxious about hearing his version of the truth or if another woman answered the phone.

During the fifth ring, I heard the line pick up, and I was met with silence. This silence reminded me of those summer nights when I spent my summer vacations visiting my family in the rural parts of Louisiana. It was so calming but frightening at the same time. All you saw were cornfields that stretched for miles, and all you could hear were the sounds of crickets or the wind picking up.

"Courtney. I tried to call you last night and this morning; listen, baby, I am so sorry."

Khalil's deep voice snapped me out of my trance. I couldn't help but gulp from the nerves that were building up in the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes and took a long deep breath so I could muster up some words.

"Khalil, why did you do it? You know that I loved you! You were my best friend, and we planned out our entire life together. The names of our children, what kind of cars we wanted to drive, where we wanted to live, and what kind of home we wanted."

I heard Khalil sigh as I choked back a tiny sob. There was a long pause of silence that fell between us. I felt my anger begin to rise, and at this moment, I was angrier than I was hurt. He's the one that broke me; why is he so quiet?

"Courtney. It was a stupid mistake. I love you, and it will never happen again."

My heart began to swell at hearing him declare his love for me again. I felt the warm tears fall down my cheeks again, and I grabbed my chest as if the pain was suffocating me. I was so confused right now. My anger was flaring up, but deep down, my heart was beating dangerously slow, and I felt like it was about to crack open like an egg.

"Khalil, if cheating on me were a mistake, then you would've told me about what happened right afterward. You mentioned nothing about it, and you were never going to. This wasn't a mistake, so don't play like you wanted it to be."

The line went silent again, then I heard Khalil faintly sniffle, and I heard him choke out a cry. I couldn't help but release the remainder of my tears, and I let out all of my hurt and anguish. Why do people have to damage others? All he had to do was tell me how he truly felt if he didn't want to be with me. I couldn't take this feeling anymore, so I abruptly ended the call then ran into my bedroom to hide underneath my covers. I couldn't help but hold myself and rock back and forth in pain. I was only 23, and I had a lot of time ahead of me to find a man that loved me. This was my first love, and it felt like I would never recuperate from this.

After crying for a while, I must've drifted off to sleep because I was abruptly woken up by the annoying shrill of my cell phone. I slowly blinked my eyes so I could adjust to the darkness. My curtains were open in my bedroom, so moonlight seeped in and nearly swallowed up my entire room. I peered out of my open window, and I could see the skyline of Chicago. Seeing the bustling city and the buildings made me instantly relaxed.

I slowly sat up, then went over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of grey sweat pants and a black tank top, so I was no longer in my underwear. After tugging my clothes on, I walked over to my nightstand to check my cell phone. I was shocked to see that I slept through my two best friends calling me nonstop. At this point, I had about ten missed calls. I hesitantly called them back and waited to see what they wanted. Yvette was a great person, but she couldn't keep a secret about anything, so she probably spread the news already.

My two best friends were like family to me. We've known each other since we were teenagers, and we had each other's backs through everything. Their names were Isabel and Geia. Isabel was the same age as I, and Geia were already twenty-four, going on twenty-five. My friends meant the world to me, and I felt blessed with a robust support system.

Suddenly my phone lit up with FaceTime, and I could see my best friends sitting beside each other on Geia's couch.

"Hey, love, we heard about everything, and we wanted to give you some space. How are you feeling today?" Isabel asked with concern written all over her light brown face.

Isabel was middle eastern and born in Pakistan, but she moved to the United States when she was younger. She had long dark brown hair that had contrasting blonde highlights, and her light brown eyes were always filled with curiosity and understanding. She was a joy to be around, and she consistently provided me with the right advice.

Geia was born here in Illinois, but she grew up on the west side of Chicago before moving to the suburbs after her mom passed away. She was also African American, but she was always mistaken for something else. She had a beautiful dark complexion that never had blemishes or acne on her skin. Her dark brown eyes were always filled with wisdom and welcome. She usually wore her thick curly hair in a bun to keep it from coming in her face.

Both of my friends were relatively athletic and lived a healthy lifestyle. Isabel was thicker than Geia's slim figure, but both ladies had almost perfect bodies. In our free time, we typically worked out together, but I haven't had much time lately.

"Well, guys, I'm alive, I'm breathing, and I feel like shit." I solemnly said while looking down at my beige carpet.

Geia scrunched up her face like she just tasted a sour lemon, then she directed her attention toward Isabel like she needed to capture her attention.

"Courtney, please let us come over and help comfort you. You can come over to Isabel's place, and we can all have a girl's night." Geia excitedly stated while perking her eyebrows up.

I hesitantly shook my head back and forth, indicating that I wasn't interested. Usually, I would've been over as soon as possible, but today I didn't want to see anyone.

"It's ok, Court. If you need anything, please call, and we'll be over as soon as possible." Isabel said while sadly looking into the camera.

I solemnly nodded then said goodbye so I could get off of the phone. After the chat ended, I felt a sense of loneliness again. I missed Khalil being here to hold and comfort me at night. I got up from my position and walked over to the window to gaze upon the city. I closed my eyes and imagined myself running through the bustling streets of Chicago while carelessly smiling and letting the wind flow through my hair. It was a sunny day, and I felt the warm sun beaming down on my skin; I was carefree and genuinely happy.

I opened my eyes and peered out again with an empty feeling. I wished that my imagination would become a reality one day; for now, I couldn't see the brighter end of the tunnel. After blankly staring out my window for a couple of minutes, I decided I shouldn't sit around and sulk in my sadness tomorrow or whenever. I need to keep moving because life goes on. It'll be hard to push through right now, but I had to get through this.

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Chapter three is now completed! This chapter goes along with the healing process, and it wasn't as exciting! The next chapter will have some juicy drama! Please vote and give me feedback! ☺️ I love the support so far, and I'm grateful for the comments, as well as you guys adding my story to your reading list like I jumped up!