Storm (G/T)

Early Departure

It takes a while to limp down the hallway. Walking is already slow, but trudging is worse. I keep taking breaks to regain myself. I can't believe I did this to myself. Right when my ribs stop hurting, I hurt myself again somehow. Eventually, I reach the open area. Where was my backpack last? I check the door. No. I check the cabinet. No. I keep looking around, then my eyes shift up. The counter. Of course I left it there.

Back down the hallway for the tape. Rolling, rolling, rolling. The roll swerves out of wack and rams into the wall, falling as loudly as possible. Great, this was so fun the last time. I hope Austin comes back now and catches me like this, it'll be so fun to explain this to him and even more fun once he gets angry and throws me back onto the counter again.

Returning with the roll, I tear off a strip with great difficulty and tackle this mountain-style, using the single strip as sort of a rope to climb up. It's a lot more dangerous, but it gets the job done. Up and up and up, up on top of the counters. There's my backpack. I swing it over with the broken straps and pull out my phone. 4%. 6:37pm. No service.

I throw the bag down the counter, flinching once it meets the ground and return back down with the tape, almost slipping. I quickly use the untouched parts of the tape to temporarily repair my straps, then throw on my coat with the bag following. Time to finally get out of here. Back home, where everything is normal and I don't have to always be scared for what's next.

Making my way over to the door, I wonder how I'm going to get out, when the problem is solved for me. Sudden stomping. It's approaching the door. Extremely loud. Shit. I knew he'd get home at the worst time.

I have to leap out of the way as the door swings open, Austin stepping inside and stomping off the snow on his boots. He doesn't know I'm here. He isn't aware of the sound or shaking that comes from his stomping. My stomach drops.

The sudden noise and excitement of him arriving home makes my hands fly to my mouth, nearly collapsing. My knees are about to buckle, and they probably would if it wouldn't hurt my leg more. The worst part of this is the door is open, and if I weren't so goddamn scared, I'd be able to leave right now. Whatever, this is fine, I'll be fine. At least he's not yelli-

"ROBIN!" He shouts, still assuming I'm in his room and not right here. "I HAVE YOUR THINGS!" I stay quiet nonetheless, now paralyzed in place.

He loudly sets down his things and kicks off his boots, heading over to his room where I'm supposed to be. "Robin?" He asks, then sighs, "Oh, no..."

I can't focus on that right now. I have to get up there. There's a design on the door, but it's not a great one for climbing. One wrong move and I'll slip. I hoist my body up the first part, but from there I'm pretty much stuck.

"Robin, where are you?! You didn't leave, did you?" His walking becomes more frantic, and louder. His voice is also getting louder. Angrier. Scarier. "This cannot keep happening, when I find you I swear..." I'm so dead. "Sorry, I won't do anything bad, but..." he keeps walking with panic, increasing the pace as he looks all around the place. "I am really not happy."

He starts coming back toward the door to check, and I quickly drop and back up to the corner before he sees me, and I cover my mouth again. The  sudden loud stomping toward me forces out an involuntary shriek, which I cover up again. He turns around and looks down, eyes meeting mine. My hands falter, then lower. 

"Robin."

"Hi." I'm shaking, craning up to meet his hardened gaze. My legs are shaking, about to fall together at any moment.

"How did you leave my room?" His voice is soft, and his tone calm. He's definitely angry, but bottling it.

"I got tape..." My eyes start to water.

"Did you now." Still calm. Too calm. He slowly bends down, squatting to be near my level. This is how it's going to end for me. He tenses up. "I just have a question. What can I do to make you stop trying to leave, and what in the absolute hell is making this so difficult for you to understand? I'm really sorry but I'm beginning to lose patience, I just need you to stay here so you can be okay." I hope this is the full extent of his snap.

"I don't know." Might as well tell the truth. My eyes give in, and tears spill over. "I just don't feel safe around you." I try to stay calm, but I end up curling up slightly, trying to make myself smaller. Make myself invisible. I can't even form good sentences, just simple ones. "I don't want to be here. You make it so hard to feel safe. I just feel if I don't leave soon, I won't make it out alive." My head drops for a second as I inhale shakily, then regain eye contact. "Are you going to grab me? I don't want you to hurt me."

He sighs softly. Something in his eyes breaks and they soften. "No, no. I'm not going to grab you. I would never try to hurt you. You're already terrified, and I'm not trying to make it worse. I'm really sorry for scaring you. I'm glad I found you, but I'm pissed you tried to go. Is it not reasonable for me to be upset?"

I pause. "No. It's not." I can't let him get away with this. Not now. "You don't understand what it's like to be here at this size, Austin. Everything is an obstacle. Whether you think you're being nice or not, everything you do is a hundred times more terrifying simply because of how big you are." I start to open up my body again, refusing to break eye contact. "Every movement you make is enough to kill me. Every word you say blows up my ears. Every threat you make may not be real to you, but it sure is real to me. If you were in this situation, you'd also be fearing for your life. So no, it's not fucking reasonable for you to be upset."

He doesn't reply.

"Forget it," I say, leaning back again. "You don't get it."

With that, he closes his eyes and sighs. "You're right. I don't get it. I know I overstepped boundaries and made you scared. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I'm very aware of how easy it is to scare you, but this is new for me too." He gets down a bit more as some attempt at being eye level. "Just... please, please don't leave. It won't be much longer. I just want you to be happy and safe."

"I'll be both happier and safer out there," I tell him, limping closer.

"What happened?" His eyes flash to my leg, and he gets back on his feet in a crouch.

"I fell."

"Oh." Silence. "I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have put you somewhere high up." He brushes his firey hair out of his face and looks back to the hallway. "Though I guess everything here is high up."

I want to tell him that it would have happened no matter what, but I can't form the words. "I'm sorry." My head drops down in shame, and I hold my throat to prevent crying again. This is too much to handle.

"Don't be sorry," he tries to coo me, but we both know it's no use. After a pause, he looks down in defeat, then back at me. "I know I don't get much, but I do get why you would want to leave and I get how much this is to process. I really don't want you to be scared. I promise that I'll tone back. All I need you to do is stay here, just until I can be sure you'll make it back home alright when this is all over with." 

"I'll try."

"Thank you, Robin." There's a pause. "Anyway, if you, um... if you didn't really hear me," he chuckles awkwardly. "I got your fabrics and some sushi. Are you hungry?"

Absolutely not. "Sure."