I ended up having to call the police on shrek, he kept harassing me and trying to rape me. He was put onto the sex offenders list. I honestly think that he should have been put on the list ages ago, when he penetrated that dudes butthole.
Ashton got back from his holiday yesterday, and today he was taking me to meet his friend, Calum. Ashton warned me not to call Calum Asian, he had clearly been called Asian a lot.
When I told him about the whole shrek thing he didn't believe me at all and I'm still thinking of how to convince him that it really did happen.
The car drive to Calums house was filled with crap jokes and talking about our favourite bands.
We arrive at Calums house and I'm really nervous. I'm not good at meeting new people. One time I met this guy and I started farting and sneezing out cranberry juice.
We walked up to Calums door and rang the doorbell. The door opened and there was a tanned boy with cool tattoos.
"Yo bro Ashton ma nigga how you doin brahhh?"He says. He sounds like a bogan.
"Calum oh my God I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Ya man! Oh you must be Luke! How are ya ma homie?" Calum says.
"Um hi." I say awkwardly.
"Oh your one of them quiet ones ya okay homie come on in.
We walk into his house and it smells of weed and salt. Theres white stains on the carpet and burst balloons hanging from the ceiling fan.
"AUSSIE RAP WILL NEVER DIE" Calum starts to sing and Ashton joins in.
For the rest of the night Ashton and Calum mess about, making me feel like a third wheel. I get up from the couch and walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge and scanning it. I smile like a pickle when I see a massive jar of pickles.
an- this took me ages to write. um so this story is finishing soon which makes me very sad but I have a funny idea for an Ashton one but I also wanna write a serious one you know? Anyway thanks for 7k reads and 700 votes:)
goal- 10 comments
