Unable To Look Back

"We're Done"

"Lotte please. Talk to us." Louis begged. I stared at my legs letting the silent tears fall down my face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Niall move toward me. I flinched and backed farther into the corner.

"Please! Not again. Please don't hurt me." I pleaded my voice cracking.

"Lotte. Lotte look at me." Liam said. Reluctantly I glanced up. "Lotte no one is going go hurt you here. Your safe. I promise." I looked into Liam's eyes and was engulfed into a hug. I let the tears fall freely now. I was embarrassed that I had flinched away from the doctor and Niall. Niall for goodness sake! I suddenly remembered Colton.

"Can I use someone's phone?" I said my voice shaking.

"Why?" Zayn asked handing me his.

"I need to call Colton."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes he is my boyfriend." I dialed the number and listened to the dial tone while I shooed the boys out.

"Hello?" Colton said.

"Hi. It's Charlotte." I said meekly.

"Oh my god Charlotte. I'm so sorry about the party. I should have been there to drive home. Please tell me you made it home alright?"

"Um sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"Colton I was raped that night." Saying it out loud made the reality sink in and I felt a new set of tears stream down my face.

"Oh." Was all he said.

"Are you okay?" I asked, disbelieving that I was the one raped and asking him if he was okay.

"Charlotte. I think we need to break up."

My breath hitched in my throat, "What?"

"I can't see you anymore. We're done." And the phone line went dead. I sat in confusion listening to the dial tone on the other end. I hung up and threw the phone to the end of my bed. I buried my face in my pillow and let the sobs rack my body.

After most of the tears left my body I sat up and went into my bathroom. I looked around and found what I needed. A razor. I sat on the bathroom floor and took a shaky breath. I dug the razor into my skin and pulled it across the inside of my wrist. Pain shot through my arm and I watched the blood flow out of my arms. It hurt like crazy but the pain in my heart was still greater. I turned to the other wrist and did it again. I watched the blood spill onto the tiled floor. This pain was only barely meeting the pain I was feeling internally but I was feeling too dizzy to try and make it greater.

"Lotte? Lotte where did you go?" Harry's voice filled my ears. I didn't care. I was too dizzy to move. I just sat on the floor against my bathtub and let my wrists bleed. I heard his footsteps approaching the bathroom. "Lotte are you in here. Come o- Oh my god. LIAM! Lotte what did you do? LIAM GET IN HERE! Oh god. There's so much blood." I heard more footsteps but everything was spinning now so I wasn't positive about anything.

"What is- oh my god. Charlotte! MUM CALL THE HOSPITAL!" Liam gently lifted me bridal style, careful to keep my wrists level. "Lotte I need you to stay awake okay?" I nodded but had trouble keeping my eyelids open. "Charlotte. I need you to stay awake."

"He said he can't see me anymore. Why would he tell me that?" I mumbled to myself.

"Charlotte what are you talking about?" Liam asked.

"Liam? Is that you? Can I go to sleep now?" I asked feeling my eyelids droop.

"Charlotte no. You need to stay awake."

"But I'm so tired. Please just 5 minutes?"

"I know you're tired but you have to stay awake until we get to the hospital."

"Please? Can't I just rest my eyes?"

"Charlotte we are almost there. Just keep your eyes open for a little longer. Please." I hadn't even realized we were in the car. I saw the hospital. When my mum pulled up I was rushed inside and had doctors and nurses waiting for me. I was sat in a wheelchair and wheeled quickly to a room. A nurse started cleaning the blood off my arms and I saw a doctor shoo my family out of the room before I blacked out.

**************

I woke up in a hospital bed. I looked around and suddenly all of earlier events rushed back to me. Colton had dumped me. After I told him what happened to me.

"Oh good your awake." A nurse said walking in.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked as she changed the bandages on my wrist.

"Only three hours." I caught a glance of the wrist she took the bandage off. It had three deep wounds on it and still had a little dried blood. I knew it would leave a scar and I would carry this pain with me forever.

"Is my family here?" I asked.

"Your mum just stepped out. Your brother and his five friends are here. I told them family only but the insisted they were family."

"They kind of are. Can you send them in?"

"I will." She finished re-bandaging my wrist and walked out of the room. I laid my head back on the pillow, bracing myself for what was to come and how to justify myself.

Three minutes later five boys flooded into the room with distressed looks on their faces.

Here we go.

A/N: sorry it's later than I promised. I've been sick and it was my first week of high school! Anyway... Enjoy! Vote and comment, and recommend to your friends!!!(: