Loyal

Chapter 80

Vera's POV

 I feel my chest tightening, I can't breathe. Hyperventilating, on my knees, choking, on tears.

            "Vera! Please! Please, relax, calm down! I'm sure this isn't, something.......VERA!" Leah's voice is distant in my mind. I feel the cold floor against my face, and for some odd reason I think about the golden gate bridge. I think about the cold rippling water beneath it, the lights of the city, the sun as it sets beyond Alcatraz. I feel Colin's warm arms around me. I try to steady my breathing, but I feel like something deep inside of me breaking. 

            "Vera, Please! I'm going to call an ambulance!" I reach for Leah's hand and stop her from dialing. I sit up slowly, feeling numb.

                        "Don't call them, I'm fine," I breathe in and out, trying to relax, even though every muscle in my body is tensing against my wishes. Colin. Rape. Drug house. The words repeat themselves over and over again in my mind, in a different order each time, like some annoying commercial jingle that can't get out of my fucking head.

            He promised. He promised he wouldn't mess up again. He promised me. He promised me that everything would be okay. He fucking promised me.

            "Vera," Leah kneels down beside me, pulling me into her arms. I bury my face into her shoulder, wailing in tears.

                        "Is there something fucking wrong with me!?" I yell, in between tears. "Why is he doing this to me!? What did I fucking do!?" The apartment is filled with the sound of my sobs. I punch the couch, behind Leah, pushing away from her. I storm into my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

            I rip everything off the walls, shoving down my nightstand, and pulling all the drawers from my dresser to the ground. I scream as I throw everything in my room to the ground, shredding whatever papers I can find. I hear Leah behind me, trying to talk sense into me, but I don't give a damn about anything she's saying because I'm screaming so loud. I don't even know what the fuck it is I'm screaming, I'm just letting out the anger inside of my chest as I thrash everything I can get my hands on. 

            After I'm done I fall to the ground, to my knees. I feel defeated. Leah finally approaches me, putting her arms around me once again.

                        "Leah?" I ask weakly, my chest heaving, I'm barely audible. My pulse racing, my heart beating loudly in my ears. 

            "Yes, Vera?" I can hear that Leah is beginning to cry.

                        "I want to go home."

            "Vera, you are home," Leah insists, holding me. 

                        "No, I want to go to back to Washington. I want to go now," I say, my voice trembling.

            Leah knows better than to try to dissuade me, instead she holds me tighter. Her brown curls cover my face, the scent of cocoa butter making my head hurt. I put my hands to my stomach. Baby. I'm sorry that you have to hear mommy cry like this. I try to steady my breathing. Colin's ruined my life, but there is no way in hell I'll let him ruin my child's.