Writing On The Desk | MILEVEN AU

| just a stranger |

El, who are you?

It was one sentence, one small sentence that changed everything. Instead of getting the usual  butterflies in her stomach, the grin melting over her face as she read their past conversations, all she could focus on was how much they had been talking. They had been talking about nonsense, nothing important at all, but underneath everything they were getting closer. She knew deep down that it was only a matter of time before he stared asking questions, wondering who she was and why she wouldn't speak to him in real life. She turned as white as a sheet, spending the lesson worriedly tapping her pen until she came up with a small reply, trying not to let him know how vulnerable she felt. 

What do you mean?

You know what I mean

Paladin...

El...

Why do you want to know so badly?

I like talking to you and I just want to know who I am talking to 

It's me

But I don't want to talk to you like this anymore

Then don't

I don't just want to talk to you on a desk, I want us to have a real conversation. I want to look into your eyes when I talk to you, you know?

I don't want you to know

Do you want to know who I am?

No 

Why not?

Because then it will feel real. 

Over the next couple of days, he left her message after message, each one bigger as if he was trying to show her how desperate he was. He wanted to know why she was so scared and why it would change things, her not knowing what to say in return. It took a lot just for her to pick up the pen and talk to him over a desk, and she was terrified as to what would happen if she met him in real life. She thought for a long time about what she was going to say, but in the end, she just stopped replying. 

She brought the subject up to her father after a few days, pushing her dinner around the plate tiredly. He watched her for a while, her lips parting as if she wanted to say something, but was too scared. He gave her space,  knowing that ever since her mother he had learned that pushing her too far was not the best option. 

"Dad?" she asked quietly. 

"Yeah, kid?" he smiled lightly. 

"Do you miss her?"

The chief's eyes turned sad but he still smiled. "Everyday."

"I've been telling someone about her...about what happened. I thought that it might help, you know. I hope you're not mad that I-"

He cut her off softly. "Hey, of course I'm not mad. I am proud of you for telling someone, I know that it would have been out of your comfort zone. But you're right...it can't get any worse right? It can only get better from here."

"Do you think that I'm easy to like?" she blurted out. 

"No" he grinned into his beer. 

She sighed, poking her peas around. "I didn't think so."

"You got a crush or something?"

She frowned. "No."

He gave her a knowing look, knowing that she wasn't telling the whole truth before smiling gently at her. He watched her for a moment before speaking up, noticing the crease  between her eyebrows and her small pout. 

"It isn't about being easy to like, kid. You can be difficult, nosy and cold sometimes. But if someone likes you, they like you for exactly who you are, no matter what."

Jane thought about his advice all night, her lips pursed and eyes growing tired as she watched the sky change color. She thought about how easy it had been to talk to him, and how well she felt like they knew each other, despite not even talking in person. It scared her, the idea of them making this so real, because after they knew each other, there was no going back. If he didn't like her, then she would never be able to go back to when things were so simple, when they were just talking on a wooden desk in class. But at the same time, she knew that he would grow tired of waiting for her to be ready, and she wasn't ready to lose what they had completely. 

That next day, El walked into the classroom and when she saw the desk, her face fell. The desk had been wiped clean, alongside every desk in the room, Mr Clarke sending her a small smile as he put the sponge and cleaning fluid  back in the cupboard. He probably had no idea what he was erasing, that he was wiping away the best days of her life. The weeks of her life that had made it feel easier to breathe slightly every day. 

I'm sorry

It's okay, I get it

It isn't to do with you. I am just worried that when you meet me, you won't like me and this will be all over. I'm not ready for face to face. 

No face to face, got it

I'm sorry

It's okay, El. I promise

I'm upset

What's happened?

The desk. It's all gone...I don't like it. It's like we have been wiped away.

Let's just call it a clean slate :)

xxx

Well, I will update more tomorrow so stay tuned! Things will definitely get more interesting...how do you think they will meet? Please leave a comment, let me know your theories and if you are enjoying this story! It is a joy to write and although it won't be long, I am already so in love with it<3

~Jodie