It was happening all over again. I felt lifeless, like my soul had left my body. I just sat on my bed for hours, feeling no motivation in my body to get up. Everything around me was muted. I was finally interrupted from my lifeless state when I heard my mother knock on my bedroom door. I quickly snapped out of it and looked towards the door.
"What is it mom?"
"It's time to eat."
"Ok. I'm coming."
I could hear her walk away and head downstairs. I slowly stood up and looked in the mirror. I can not let my depression come back and overtake me. Not now, when I have a loving and caring boyfriend. If that happens, he'll notice and worry more. I have to stay strong and push those feelings down. I sighed to myself and headed downstairs. My mother was waiting for me at the table, and I walked over slowly and sat down. She looked at me worriedly then started to eat. We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I could tell she was trying to figure out what to say.
"Emily, I can tell something is still bothering you. Tell me what it is."
I looked up from my plate to see her worried face. "It's nothing."
"Is it about yoongi?"
"No," I said rudely.
She looked down, defeated, then suddenly looked back up at me. "Is it your depression again?"
I could feel my face grow pale. Even though my mother and I were close, my depression was always hard to talk about. We didn't like to talk about it, but it was always hanging over our heads like a black cloud. I couldn't look her in the eye, so I looked down at my plate instead.
"Maybe."
She sighed, and I knew that wasn't good. "I had a feeling. I knew it was bound to hit you sooner or later. Do you want to see someone and talk it out?"
I shot my head up and glared at her. "Does it look like I want to talk it out with someone?"
She was taken aback by my rude tone. "I just thought I would suggest it."
I slammed my hands on the table, and I could feel anger growing inside me again. "You know I hate talking to anyone about it!"
"Calm down honey, please..."
"No! Just leave me alone!"
I threw my chair back and ran up to my room. I slammed my door shut and sat on my bed and cried. I hated it when my depression got the best of me. Not only do I get sad, but my anger also gets out of control. I always feel bad for my mother, having to deal with my yelling. I curl up into a ball on my bed and grab my phone. I go to my contacts and tap on his number. I press the call button and put my phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Y-yoongi...I need you."
"What's wrong?"
I went to answer, but all I could mutter out were sobs. "I'll be there in a minute."
He hung up, leaving me to cry alone. I hope he gets here before things really get out of hand. My eyes are slightly sore from crying, but the tears won't stop coming. Luckily I'm not waiting very long, because not five minutes later my door opens, and I can faintly see him. He rushes over to my side and pulls me into his arms.
"Yoongi!"
I hug him tightly and cry more into his chest. I know he doesn't know what to say, so he just holds me close to him. I breathe in his familiar scent and cry even more. I don't want to go back to my old ways. I want to be happy and enjoy my life with yoongi. I want to be friends with Kenzie again. I just want all the pain to end. Why do I have to endear all this pain? I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for?
