Plague #OpenNovellaContest 2019

Chapter 17

Ethan finds me first.

I see him as I step into the dining hall, smoothing back my hair and wiping the tears off my face. At first, I don't believe my eyes.

He's wandering in, fiddling with his satchel as he walks. I stand there for a moment, trying to make my mouth move, and then it sinks in.

Ethan, I think, mouthing his name. He's here. He's safe. I feel tears forming in my eyes once again, rendering my efforts to clear my eyes useless, "Ethan."

He whirls around, startled. When he sees me, I see so many emotions flash on his face - I can't make sense of them.

Ethan. Can you forgive me?

"Evie," he says. Something is different in him. In his voice. In the way he looks at me. He seems more sure of himself. More confident.

I'm not sure I like it.

I step forward. He steps backward.

"Ethan? I'm so sorry. I know that I can't excuse what I-,"

"No," he says, looking away.

Something in me breaks.

He continues, "No. I'm sorry. I- I can't."

He can't.

Watching him as he struggles for words, I remember his hands on mine, back at the campfire. I remember the feeling of peace that came over me, washing away my doubts and fears.

And then I betrayed him, right there.

"I understand why you did what you did," he says, "You know, I might've done the same in your place. And I know that makes me a hypocrite and a horrible person but... I'm sorry. I hated your family for too long. I can't just stop. I don't think it works that way."

There are so many things that I'm dying to say to him, but for some reason, I can't speak.

Ethan tugs on his satchel strap, "And I've finally got a goal. I'm going to work in the palace, become a scientist. If I'm... with the heir I'll never be able to do any of those things. I'm sorry, and I do understand, I just don't think I can find it in me to forgive you," his eyes finally meet mine, "We can never be... like we were. Not anymore."

I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose the deep brown of his eyes or the way he fiddles with his satchel or the way his hand felt on mine. But I think I need this.

I need someone to show me the consequences, to wake me up and make me see reality and accept that I am the Queen.

"I'm sorry. Again," Ethan says, "And would you... would you hire me? As a scientist?"

"Of course. The palace scientists live a few blocks behind the palace. Um... there'll be food and water and everything there already. You don't need to pay me. Do you think you could help me, though? Just to go around and hire servants."

"Thank you, and I will."

"Ethan-," my voice trembles.

He interrupts me, holding out a hand, "No. Give me time. I promise you I won't stay mad forever but... until then, I think you and me should spend some time apart."

I watch as he turns away from me. As he walks off, I remember. How did I forget? What's wrong with me?

"Ethan!" I say, sprinting up to him.

Oh god, what's he going to think of me now?

"It's Rachel," I say softly, "She... has the plague."

Ethan stops dead in his tracks, and I can see his breathing get faster. He turns to me, and his eyes are horrified, "Did her plans survive? The plans for the cure?" he asks, staying so still I almost can't tell that he's breathing.

Hope lifts its wings, "Can you fix her? Can you make the cure from her plans?" I grab his arm and spin him around, "Ethan-,"

"Evie. Did her plans survive," This time, it isn't a question.

And then hope falls again, "Yes."

Ethan moves past me with his eyes trained on the hallway ahead.

"The labs are just around the corner!" I yell after him.

He pauses, just before leaving the dining hall. And then he says something that makes me break even more. He turns to me, his eyes hard and certain, and he says, "Thank you, Your Majesty."

And then Ethan, the boy I was getting so close to bows to me. He bows to me like he is one of my subjects and I am the Queen.

______________________________________

What breaks my heart is that even though I failed to mention that Rachel had the plague until the last second, Ethan still wasn't angry. The only thing he was focused on was making the cure and healing her. All he wants to do is what right. And his instincts are only that. Even his emotions, controlled by what will help and what will be for the greater good.

I sit, staring, on the bottom of the winding palace steps for an hour. Thinking of Ethan. Our conversation plays through my mind on repeat, torturing me over and over again.

'I- I can't.'

I know that I've lost him. And I know that I've lost him simply because I deserved it. Ethan, of course, is right. I should have told him the moment we met. Why couldn't I tell him? Why did I have to be such a coward?

I rise from my spot on the stairs, and walk down the hallway to the labs. I know that Ethan will be working in the furthest room. I know that he is smart, and that the moment he looked at those plans he must have known what to do and how to do it. Ethan's in that room right now, doing what he does best. He's helping someone else.

'We can never be... like we were. Not anymore.'

As I stand outside the window, watching him mixing and reading and cutting, I feel acceptance fall over me like a feather struggling and twisting in the wind before finally falling to the ground in defeat.

'I'm sorry."

I close my eyes for a moment, and then I walk away from the labs.

'Thank you, Your Majesty.'

And I walk away from Ethan.