Plague #OpenNovellaContest 2019

Chapter 20

I stand on the carpeted floor of my bedroom, my reflection stares at me from the glass of my window. The curtains have been pushed to the side, letting the yellow light of the morning shine into the room.

Wrapped around my waist with the strings pulled tight is my corset. Despite the tightness and awful restriction to my breathing, it's sort of comforting to feel it there, along with my gown draping over my body. Like something familiar, that I can connect my old life to.

A week ago I searched for almost an hour through Mother's closet for a new gown. It's a deep red with long draping sleeves, golden lining, and high neckline that covers half of my neck. Something about the floor length skirt and the deep color has a certain regal air to it. I suppose it helps with my confidence. It makes me feel more like a Queen.

Abandoned at the bottom of my closet are my old childish gowns. I can't stand to look at them anymore for fear that my old weakness will return to me. So I don't. I don't know if I'll ever wind up the courage to throw them out, but for now I simply ignore them.

I stare out of the window, shifting my view from my reflection to the front gates and the view beyond them. The survivors that used to plague the palace gates have mostly scattered. And I like to think that it is because I'm doing well as Queen. And who knows? Maybe it is.

The idea of ruling still terrifies me to my very bones. It still taunts and bites me while I lay in bed at night, infecting me and almost making me go mad. It's better though, than it used to be.

Because now I have people with me, helping me along. Now there's the staff and the servants and the scientists and the guards. They're all with me and they're all good people who want to serve the Queen and help Achain.

That doesn't mean it's easy, though.

The first few weeks held several sleepless nights dedicated to missing Ethan. Ethan, who has been drifting away. Ethan, who avoids me at all costs and walks in the opposite direction when he sees me in the same corridor. But you know what? It's gotten better. How I deal with it, that is, not how mad Ethan is. I don't blame him for his anger - I never have - and I've started to realize that I don't really need him loving me to help me along. Rachel, however, is a different story.

As Ethan and I have fallen out of touch, Rachel and I have only gotten closer. She's helped me through it, and I've helped her as she recovers as much as I can. I don't know how I'd manage without her by my side.

I am the Queen. That is a simple fact that will only change after my death. Ruling the country is my responsibility and nobody else's, and I can't force it on anyone because it is a role that I doubt anyone really wants.

As I stand here in my room, I watch the noblemen and women begin to return to their old schedules, outside of the palace. There aren't many of them, and the number of Reds in the quarantines far outnumber the amount of people returning to their daily lives. But soon enough the cure will make it to all of the Reds in the quarantine. Soon enough they will all recover, and things will go back to normal.

But after this, after the whole plague passes and life starts up again - some other problem is going to come hurling my way. It's inevitable. Achain is always going to have threats and it's always going to have problems that it needs to face. It will always need a protector. Realizing this has been difficult, but I know now that I can't pay attention to my needs and wants, I need to focus on Achain.

I used to be hard on myself for my weak skills in combat, but in the big scheme of things, I don't need to be a warrior. I can make laws and I can be smart and I can protect the country despite my many physical weaknesses.

I'm no warrior, but that doesn't mean I can't be a good Queen.

All I need to do is step up. I need to deal with my issues and get over Ethan. I can lean on Rachel, but not so much that she staggers under my weight. Not so much that she holds me up more than I hold up myself. No, I need to handle this alone. Like a Queen and like a true ruler. My personal issues are of no importance, a country is in my hands. The survival of an entire country is in my hands. And my country is more important than I will ever be. I can't run away from my problems anymore. I will learn to embrace them, and I will become the Queen that Mother - that everyone - always wanted me to be.