Misconceptions 》Styles

26.00

       I PULL AWAY from Harry and lean against the counter top, one hand against the granite and the other on my stomach. It hurts like hell. It feels as if someone has plunged a knife deep inside of my abdomen and they are twisting, twisting, twisting; scrambling my insides and tearing me into shreds. I have grown accustomed to dotted vision and my head pounding and the room spinning if I move too fast. If I make one wrong step. But I can't get used to this. The excruciating pain that tears me apart from the inside out. It is gruesome and each time is worse than the last. My heart pounds too quickly; unable to stop fluttering frantically from inside of my chest. It is too much. It cannot take the strain that I put it through, but I do not care. I need to be thin and I need to be pretty and perfect because it is all that I have. I am nothing. Nothing until I can look into the mirror and not be disgusted with my reflection.

       "Sky, can I make you something, please?" Harry pleads, brushing his fingers along my arm.

     "I'm not hungry. I just have cramps." I say quickly, shutting my eyes to try to block him away. He looks so worried and I hate it, hate that he cares about me. He can't do that. It's just a lie. I am incapable of being loved.

       "You never even got your period, Skylar. I remember all of the girls in secondary saying how jealous they were of you because you were so skinny. You were too underweight to get it. So please, don't lie to me, not now." He mumbles against my neck, his arms wrapping around my waist. 

         "I don't want to eat." The words fly off of my tongue, tumbling and unable to be stopped. I am so sick of lying, so sick of constantly saying "I'm not hungry" or "I already ate, thanks". I was always hungry or sick or lying or silently dying. But I couldn't stop. It wouldn't let me.

         "Okay, so, what if I make you something just in case? If maybe you change your mind it'll be there for you, yeah?" I shrug, a shiver running through my spine. Goose flesh spreads like wildfire along my skin and I want to tell Harry to stop holding me, to stop mumbling into my neck and to get his hair to stop tickling me everywhere, but I can't. I can't do anything but focus on the pain running throughout every inch of my body. "I'll make you a proper meal, what would you like?" Before I can respond, he swipes his arms underneath my legs and tugs me up from the ground. My weak grasp slips away from the counter top and then he is carrying me and gently setting me down on the couch. Harry takes the blankets I abandoned and spreads them out along my land whale body, fixes the edges and looks down at me, a crease in his brow. "Warm enough?"

        "Yeah," I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. He wouldn't stop staring. He knew I hated to be looked at, yet he kept on staring.

         "Soup? Prawns? Steak? A salad? I can run to the store and-"

         "I don't want anything, Harry." I whisper, turning away from him and burying my face within the pile of blankets. His stupid green eyes keep blazing through me and I can't stand it. When he looks at me like that, a part of me breaks. I ache to go back to the way things used to be and I can't, I can't let myself feel like that. Not again. 

         "I'm going to make you prawns with broccoli; steamed, since it's healthier that way. You don't have to eat it. But it'll be there... if you want it. Afterwards I'll take a shower, you can take one if you'd like and then we have to go see Randy. Alright?" Harry speaks systematically and slowly, like he's scared that if he says one wrong thing I'll run away and he won't see me again. I suppose he's right to think this way. I always run when things got difficult. Always. But now, I can't. I can barely walk without having excruciating pain shoot from every part of me. 

     "Okay,"

       "I'll call the rehabilitation center as well, to see what they're going to do with Rider." Harry swoops down and presses his lips against my forehead for one, two, three seconds before he pulls away. "Try to sleep, Sky."