Misconceptions 》Styles

22.00

         "I, I...of course I want to leave." I say, instantly regretting my word choice when Rider nods slowly, frowning.

         "Just not with me," He says, sounding more like he's asking a question, not making a statement. "I told you the truth-"

         "Yeah, your version of it." I freeze when Harry comes up beside me, staring down at me as his shoulder grinds against my own. This hallway was too small. I felt too trapped, too watched. I needed to get out and away from both of them. "I brought you these," Harry says quietly, pressing an envelope against my chest. It's yellow and stuffed to the brim with God knows what, and before I can open it, Harry leans forward, curls brushing against my ear. "Don't open it in front of him. And here," Fuzzy material tickles my hand, and at first glance I can't tell what it is, but then I remember. from the carnival with the candy floss and the chips and the popcorn and the fat, fat, fat. The owl is sitting in my hand, the one that Harry won for me, the one I tried to get rid of because I didn't want anything from him, I just wanted him to leave me alone. But he brought it here, he is here visiting me because he thinks he is offering me comfort but I can't understand why he doesn't get it. Why he can't get it through his mind that I hate him and nothing he will ever say or do will change that.

        "We're not allowed to have-" Rider begins, before Harry shoots him a look.

     "Skylar is." Harry says sharply, cutting Rider off.  "And you're not seriously planning on leaving, are you?" He is looking at Rider, but I know he's asking me. I know because of the waver in his voice and the way he swallows the lump in his throat and reaches for my arm before thinking better of it.

         "Piss off," Rider barks, wrapping his fingers around my wrist. He tugs me through the hallway quickly, and I clutch the envelope and owl to my chest so that they don't fall. Before I can protest, he gently presses against my back and I am pushed into a dark room. "Climb the steps right there," I pause for a second and he gives me an expectant look, so I raise one leg and clutch onto the railing before hauling my land whale body up the steps. I press my hands against the ceiling and push against it like Rider tells me too, and then a latch pops and fresh air is whipping against my face.

 == trigger ==

     I inhale deeply, setting Harry's gifts down on platform and pushing them aside so I can climb all the way up, no longer standing in the crawl space. Everything starts spinning again, and I'm too high up and too close to the edge and I think I might fall off of the roof.

       Do it. Jump. No one's going to miss you and your stupid, fat, ugly arse.

      Just do it, Skylar. Kill yourself. The world would be better off without you. You're a waste of space, a waste of a life.

         You're a disappointment. Your mum hates you, you know she does. She blames you for everything. You're the reason your dad left. You aren't good enough for her, for Harry, Rider, for anyone. All she wanted was for you to be thin and pretty and perfect but God, you can't even do it.

       Thunder thighs that always touch, touch, touch. A stomach so big it's as if you're housing octuplets, or jammed a globe underneath your shirt. Fat tumbling from your waistline, dripping down your arms, protruding off of your back. You're so disgusting, and you don't deserve to be here. You don't deserve to live. No one, nothing, could ever love you. You're foul and no one needs you here. So go. Do it. Jump and fall, fall, fall. 

        Die.

                   Die.

                               Die.