Misconceptions 》Styles

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highest ranking // #372 // chicklit

before you begin, let me just tell you that this isn't a love story, but it is about love in some aspects. you can't be fixed by the same person who broke you, or by anyone at all. that's all up to you. it's the best feeling in the world to have someone holding your hand while you're on the road to recovery, but please remember that at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and that this is your life. you get one shot, don't let anyone ruin that for you. so again, this isn't a love story, there's a reason why it isn't labeled as such. but there is love in it, some kind. x

      My mother forced me to become a model. One who, for reasons unknown to me, millions of girls look up to. I don't eat, but if and when that fails, it's nothing a toothbrush down my throat can't fix. I don't get why people think I'm such an inspiration. Why they say that they love me and put me on such a pedestal. I've come to the conclusion that they don't know who I really am. They don't see behind the lies and the fake smiles, behind the calorie counting and the abhoration I feel towards myself. I hide behind a mask and my entire life has been one giant misconception.

         But before that, before all the lies started, I was happy. I was okay. As okay as anyone could be. But my tormentor, the source of my unhappiness and my strife and terror and disease; it's all his fault. He says that he never meant to hurt me, but he did. He's killing me; bit by bit everyday. It is he who is to blame, why I have become a monster obsessed with the idea of self deprecation. Why I cannot look into the mirror without making myself sick. He made it his job to destroy me and God, did he do a good job of it.

         I finally escaped him, but now he has returned, thinking that he can simply waltz into my life and try to protect me, try and save me? There wouldn't be anything to save me from if it weren't for him. Answer me this Harry Styles; why are you trying so hard to save me when the last thing I want is to be saved?