Misconceptions 》Styles

note

okay so this might be long but here we go

first of all, i just want to tell each and every one of you reading this right now t h a n k  y o u. thank you for reading and supporting me for as long as you did because a while back, there would be months without updates and i know you got frustrated and i just want to thank you for sticking around. this story was extremely hard to write because it hits so close to home and that's part of the reason why writing sometimes took me so long.

i don't think you guys realize how much your messages mean to me. those little notes and bursts of encouragements, little messages asking if i was okay because you knew that this was a sensitive topic and writing about it wasn't easy unless you were familiar with it and the fact that you checked up on me, that you care, it means the world to me.

time and time again i said that i wasn't hiding anything and i was completely honest with you guys, and i am. this story needed to be written because i needed to get my feelings out somehow. my sister, the person who i am closest to in the entire world is recovering from an e.d., some days are better than others. she never got medical help. she never really got any help at all and the only reason she even tries to be better is because of me. about two weeks ago she literally said "you're the only reason i'm alive right now" and that fucking scared me. let me tell you something, no matter who you are and what you do, there is always someone out thee fighting for you, because of you whether they say it or not. so don't give up.

my parents used to joke about my weight and my sister's as well and it's not fucking funny, you don't joke about that. because it's not funny when your daughters get fucked up. i know i'm a hypocrite writing about this and telling you to to take care of yourself when i don't really want the particular life that i'm living and i don't eat very much anymore either but, please listen to me when i tell you that you're worth it, okay? you only get one life and you have to fill it with things that you love. don't let people take those things away from you. if they make fun of you for liking something, tell them to fuck off and keep on doing the things that bring you joy. there isn't much to life, we have to make the best of what we have.

you don't need a boy to save you, or a girl, or anyone. you can save yourself.

it's so amazing to have someone to hold your hand while you save yourself and if you need someone to do that for you, then come to me and i'll be that person for you. but there's a reason that this wasn't a love story and that skylar and harry never kissed and never really broke through the walls they had, they didn't end up together because they weren't meant to. this was a story that needed to be exposed but the important thing here is that only YOU can save YOURSELF. i know that you can. even if things seem absolutely awful and like there isn't any hope in the world, you're wrong. there's always something. there's music and the sunrise and your favorite tv show and your fave band members and flowers and your favorite season and your favorite beanie and that lipstick that as soon as you put it on you just feel so badass. there's always something. there's a reason for living and there is more to life than just surviving, i promise you. and i need you to fight to find that something because it's out there, and you're going to find it. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.