Run Away With Me [Kaylor]

9.

"You're not a mess, you're human," Karlie says, making her way to Taylor's bed and enveloping the younger girl in a hug. If this was anyone else, she'd tell them to get a grip, but she couldn't do that to the fragile blonde in her arms. She cared too much, which, funnily, was the whole problem.

Taylor's body is shaking as she sobs, her tears soaking through Karlie's t-shirt where her head is resting on her shoulder.

"Is this because I got angry back in at my moms house? Because I'm so sorry for that, I didn't mean to scare you and I wasn't thinking and I -"

The blonde pulled her head black from Karlie's shoulder and looked into her emerald eyes, god it was so easy to get lost in them, "Karlie, it's not about that."

"Then what is it?" She asks, softly, brushing a strand of blonde hair out of the girls face.

"I missy my mom. I always miss her, but especially today," she sniffled, curing her head into the crook of Karlie's neck.

The gang leader nodded in understanding, "Its natural to miss someone who meant so much to you, babe, trust me, I know." Babe? Karlie panicked for a moment, but the word seemed to go right over Taylor's head.

"You don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"I don't understand why I love my mom, as stupid as it sounds," she says, grilling the back of Karlie's t-shirt  tightly in her hands.

Karlie furrows her eyebrows, "Okay...now I'm lost. Do you want to elaborate."

Slowly, Taylor removes herself from Karlie to look her in the eyes to gauge her reaction about what she was about to tell her next. They both sat at the edge of the medium sized bed, their legs dangling off, their thought touching. Taylor pulls her legs onto the bed to sit cross legged and turned her body towards Karlie.

"I don't understand why I love my mom so much, because she never loved me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Karlie replied, placing a comforting hand on Taylor's arm.

"But it is. Just listen." Karlie nodded and kept quiet. "It's not that she didn't want to love me, because she tried so hard - she would sleep on the floor next to my crib when I was a baby but not matter how hard she tired, she felt nothing. Maybe that's why I love her, because she tried so hard, but she never loved me back."

The brunette had to force her tears back, "How Do you even know this?"

"Her journals," she sniffled, gesturing to the box of black notebooks in the corner. "She had pre-natal depression which went in to become postpartum depression. And I know it's not her fault, but how can a mother not love her own child?"

"Like you said, it wasn't her fault, or anybody's fault for that matter. These sorts of things happen, unfortunately."

"But if I wasn't born, she'd still be alive," she said, breaking down again. Karlie embraced her again, holding her limp body as tightly as possible.

"What do you mean by that, Tay?" She whispered, gently stroking her back.

"She killed herself when I was three, she had just had Austin and she was so ecstatic because she loved him, but she still couldn't love me, every time she looked at me, she felt so much guilt. Eventually she started depending heavily on alcohol. My dad came home from work one day and found her with an empty pill bottle beside her and a half-empty bottle of vodka."

"I'm so sorry, Tay," Karlie says, she can't ever imagine anyone not living the sweet girl in front of her. Even her drug addict mother loved her somewhere deep down.