All At Once

Ch. 30: Where Do We Go From Here?

After a whole year, he still looked good as ever. 

I was laying in bed that night after seeing Harry, and even though I was upset, I couldn't help but think about his smile and his stupid laugh. All of the apologies didn't make what he did okay, but after seeing him I felt like I could breathe again when thinking about him. It's like...what do people call it? Closure? Yeah, closure. 

The problem with closure is that she's a sneaky bitch. She crawls into your head and makes you miss it. She brings her friend nostalgia and they dance in your brain, scattering old memories you thought you trained yourself to forget. 

As I laid there, I began to think of a certain memory that I couldn't shake. 

Harry and I, telling each other we loved each other for the first time in my back yard. Him sweeping me up after and kissing me all over. His warmth when we laid in my bed afterwards, kissing so much we forgot to breathe. His hands on my neck, my shoulders, my waist...The feeling of his tongue. The way his kiss seemed so perfect that it felt like a dream. The way I knew he loved me by how tightly he held me, never wanting to let go. 

My text tone brought me out of my day dream, a text from an unknown number. 

"Is it too early to ask you to dinner Friday night?" It read. I was confused until I went back to my call log and saw it was Harry's number from earlier. I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do. I figured I'd take the night to sleep on it. 

...

When I woke up the next day the first thing I did was check my phone. I had some emails and one text from a friend about going out for drinks soon but nothing from Harry. I guess I had just expected there would be because that's what the old Harry would have done. Spammed me with messages or even called saying he was on his way. But there was nothing. 

My mind wondered to my day dream from last night and it got me trying to remember the last time I'd been with a guy. After Harry, it took me 6 months to even leave my house. Around month 9, about 3 months ago, I did go out with this guy Sam for about a month but that didn't work out. He was a nice guy but he wasn't...he wasn't spontaneous or cheeky or sarcastic he was just...nice.

I looked back at my phone and began typing.

"Small dinner. Nothing fancy. No surprises. You can pick me up at 7." I clicked send.

...

"So what's new sis? Any new leads on the acting front?" Josh asked. 

We were at lunch at our usual meeting place, Chili's, and I was kind of relived he asked because I had no idea how to get this conversation started. 

"Actually yeah. I have an audition for a new t.v. show in a couple of weeks and I'm super excited."

"Oh, nice! That should be fun." He said.

"I also...sorta have some news. Guess who called me the other day."

"Another casting agent? I don't know sis. Who?" 

I cleared my throat. "Harry."

Josh just about dropped his fork on his plate at the sound of his name. 

"Harry Styles? As in, the famous one?" His eyes bulged. 

"Yeah. We're going to dinner tomorrow night." I sipped my drink to stop me from saying much more. 

Josh looked speechless. He just looked at me in disbelief, as if he just saw a ghost. He didn't though, he just kinda heard about one.

"Wow that's...interesting." I didn't know what to say so I nodded. 

"You're not worried he's going to disappear again?" He asked. 

"I mean...yeah. This isn't anything serious. We met up for lunch and he explained himself and it in no way means that we're getting back together but I'm giving him a chance I guess."

It was Josh's turn to nod. 

"I think it'll be alright. I don't want you to worry or anything." 

"Okay. If you say so." He said. 

For the rest of lunch he was telling me about Lynsey and how he had enrolled at the local college. Apparently Lynsey was really pressuring him to get engaged but he thought it was too soon. He was totally right, it had only been a little over a year, it was way too soon. 

I had tried tolerating her for the most part but she seemed pushy. She was only 19, I don't know what the rush was. 

The good news was that he already had a few classes under his belt for broadcasting. I was really proud of my brother, he had been so motivated lately.

I was really trying to pay attention but I got a little distracted thinking about how Harry never messaged me back after my message. I assumed he got it and assumed we'd be going out tomorrow night at 7 but he would've responded...right? A little part of me was trying not to get my hopes up but a bigger part of me was itching to see him. 

I told myself that after lunch I'd message him again, just to see if he got the first one. 

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Yeah, sorry, I must have been daydreaming."

"You're thinking about him aren't you." 

"A little." I admitted. 

"How about we cut this lunch short? You've got a lot on your mind and I have some things I need to do, too." 

We said our goodbyes and as soon as I got to my car I found myself looking over the text Harry sent me again. 

"Hey, just wanted to make sure you got my message." I typed out...and then erased. 

"We still on for 7 tomorrow?" I decided on. I guess now all I could do was wait.