All At Once

Ch. 4: Decisions Like These

I woke up to the blazing sun shining through my window and onto my face. I tried to stay in bed for as long as possible but eventually, my stomach was cramping from the combination of my full bladder and how hungry I was. I got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to pee and wash my face. Then I made a quick bagel with cream cheese in the kitchen and took the longest, hottest shower that I possibly could.

For a majority of the shower I was just sitting on the floor of the bath tub thinking about how stupid I could be. How could I not notice my own boyfriend was cheating on me? How could I not have seen that coming? He was famous now, for God's sake. And why was I letting it upset me so much? I was so used to being this strong girl that didn't let anything faze her, yet here I was, feeling weak as ever. Just last night I thought I was all out tears but I was wrong. I cried for a minute or two and got up immediately, making my self light headed. I was not going to let this affect me. I was going to be just fine. Would this even affect me 5 years from now? No. I was going to to go that show tonight and tell Connor exactly what was on my mind. Then, I'm going to walk away and be just fine without him. I don't need a guy to make me happy, I wasn't raised that way. I let myself have a few more seconds of sobbing and then finished my shower, and got myself together. I stepped out and wrapped towels around my body and hair.

I looked into the mirror and said to myself, "I am confident. I am fearless. I am Annie."

It was some what a ritual for whenever I was feeling weak, I had been doing it since middle school when I was being bullied by Mallory Burden.

It was still early so I decided to blow dry my hair, get dressed, and do my makeup. Eventually I wondered why I hadn't heard my phone all morning. I had faint memories of throwing it out of my window last night because it was ringing so much but I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. I looked everywhere around my room for my phone but finally went outside and found it sitting under my window pane next to a bush.

I almost immediately regretted turning it back on because it was going off every 2 seconds with missed calls and texts, of course, all form Connor. I have to admit, I didn't think he cared this much after what I saw.

'Call me please'

'Annie please, im so sorry'

'I love you annie, call me'

'I just want to know if youre okay'

'Please annie, please call me, I need to hear your voice'

The messages went on like this, all very similar to each other.

I grabbed my spare car keys, I still hadn't found my main keys, grabbed my phone, my purse, and called a cab to take me to my car. Once I finally got into my car, I found my keys in what other place than in the ignition? Ha, seemed like something I would do. Especially with how excited i was to see Connor after weeks away from him.

With all the remaining time I had until the show, I paid a few bills and went to Barnes and Nobles to get a new book to get my mind off things when I spotted just the thing I was needed.

It sat on the self-help shelf and read Wreck This Journal. Perfect. I went to the check stand and bought it without question. I was putting it into my purse and heading out to my car when my phone started ringing. I assumed it was Connor so I just let it ring and got into my car. The phone started ringing again and again so i just decided to pick it up except I saw that it wasn't Connor, but strangely enough, Harry Styles.

"Hello?"

"You're a very hard girl to get ahold of, you know that?" Harry.

"There's a reason for that." I sighed.

"Oh, ouch. So you don't want to talk to me then? I was just going to ask if you're going to the show after all." he asked

"Well, yeah I am, I have to talk to Connor" I replied

"Oh" he said after a few seconds.

"I'm about to be driving so if I see you then I'll see you but I have to go" I told him

"Well if you-"

I hung up. Nothing he could tell me could possibly be important, he hardly knew me.

I google mapped the directions to the nearest Subway since I was still getting used to L.A. since I moved here from Sacramento. I figured I would get some lunch and then go to the show early to talk to Connor before he performed so I could leave after we talked and I wouldn't have to watch him perform.

...

I arrived back in the X-Factor parking lot at 5:30, knowing the show started at 6 so it could go live for the east coast. It was easier than the night before to find parking, which was surprising. I parked my car, grabbed my purse, and headed inside. My hands were shaking from how nervous I was so I kept them in my pockets. I slowly made my way through the entrance and towards the stage door when I realized that I forgot my backstage pass. Shit. What was I supposed to do?

"Annie?"

I turned around and saw Connor, he must have just gotten here, too.

"I'm so glad you're here." he walked toward me for a hug and I felt weak for just a second. Then, every trace of nervousness left my body. I stepped aside dodging his hug, still not having said anything.

"Can we talk?' I nodded my head to this and walked with him past the security guard to his backstage room. Connor put his hand on the small of my lower back, leading me. He knew how much I liked that.

"How long?" I asked.

"Not long, just...a few weeks.. Annie you have to understand-" I cut him off; I didn't need to hear anything else.

"Let's just get one thing clear: I do not trust one single word that's about to come out of your mouth for a second, and I probably never will again. And I don't want to be with someone I can't trust. I don't want you to touch me, call me, text me, I don't even want you to think about me when you're with her. I gave you two years of my life, Connor, and you betrayed me."

"Annie I am so sorry, you deserve so much better. Sure we would flirt but that was it! I never even thought about doing anything with her because I already had everything I needed, you." he was crying at this point.

"It just happened, I was so stupid. I'm so sorry Annie, I know I'm not good enough for you. I'm so sorry."

He grabbed my hand and wiped his face with his other hand.

"I'm sorry too." I said, and with that, I walked out the door.