Damsel in the Dust

16

I wake up in my bed, soft morning light pouring in through the windows, the smell of bacon drawing me toward the kitchen. Shawn hasn't made me breakfast in a while. I wonder what the occasion is, I think, pushing back the covers. When I sit up, I realize I'm still in my clothes from the day before and I don't remember coming back to bed.

Then I remember. Shawn isn't here.

My heart leaps as I come to the only possible conclusion for being in my bed.

Jake.

I must have fallen asleep in my chair, and he must have carried me in here. Warmth spreads across my skin at the thought of him picking me up, of me curling against his chest as he carried me to bed. I let myself dwell in the dream of being that close to him for just a moment before I snap myself back to reality. I have Shawn, however flawed he may be, and I won't entertain thoughts of cheating. Either I need to end things, or I need to fix them. But I won't be a coward. Besides, that wouldn't be fair to Jake.

What the hell am I thinking? I don't know anything about Jake. He could have a girlfriend. An estranged wife. He could be gay, for all I knew.

What I did know was what my status was. Taken, spoken for, tied down. Moral. Definitely moral, and not capable of being unfaithful. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.

I glanced at my phone before getting dressed. Seven missed messages from Shawn, each increasingly frustrated. The first was from last night.

9:21 pm Shawn: Goodnight beautiful. I'm missing you like crazy.

9:37 pm Shawn: ?Babe? Fall asleep already?

10:08 pm Shawn: You know I hate when you fall asleep on me. Sweet dreams, sleepy girl. Text me in the morning.

6:42 am Shawn: Good morning beautiful. Hope you slept well and dreamt of me!

6:58 pm Shawn: Wow you're really tired, aren't you babe? Text me when you wake up.

7:42 am Shawn: I hope you're okay. Starting training soon.

8:02 am Shawn: If I don't hear from you in the next ten minutes, I'm calling Chris. I'm freaking out, babe. Text me. NOW.

I check the time. 8:07. I'm hoping he won't have called Chris yet, because I have no idea how that conversation would go, and I'm certainly not ready to deal with it.

8:07 am Leah: Morning babe. I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. Long day. Rough night (night terrors), so I overslept. Didn't mean to scare you.

The night terrors bit is a white lie, but Shawn knows I still get them so that should explain my late morning.

8:08 am Shawn: Night terrors? Thought you were done with all that. I'll chase them away when I get home. Don't scare me again.

You thought I was "done with all that?" What the hell did that mean? My night terrors have only gotten worse since that first night; how could he not know that?

I decide not to dwell on his texts. They'll only irritate me and I have too many things to do today, the most important of which is figuring out how to get Maive registered for school. I get dressed and make my way out to the kitchen, where Jake and Maive are sitting down to breakfast.

"I told you we should wait!" Maive scolds.

"No, you didn't. You said, and I quote, 'I'm starving. Breakfast leftovers are fine.'" Jake returns.

I can't help but laugh. It's absurd, these two people already at home in my kitchen, bickering as if they're in their own home.

"It's true, breakfast leftovers are pretty great. Thanks for cooking," I say, taking a seat.

"I think we need to look at registering Maive for school today. I'll call and see what the requirements are, but you'll probably need to go there in person and sign all the forms and stuff. Sound good?" I ask.

They're both quiet, and I realize I'm missing something.

"No good?" I ask.

"It's just that, we thought after yesterday..." Maive starts, and I can tell she doesn't want to say what she's trying to say.

Jake finishes for her. "After yesterday, we thought maybe it's time to move on. We don't want to cause you any trouble, and you've been more than kind to us."

The two sides of me wage a silent war. The practical sliver of my brain knows that them leaving is the easiest path for me and the fastest way back to a normal life. The rebellious side of me can't stand the thought of losing this new friendship, or of going back to my 'normal' life.

"You're no trouble at all. If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, that's fine too, but please don't do it because you think you're doing me any favors. I'd rather have you two around with a little bit of drama from him than have you gone and be worried about where you're going."

Jake considers me for a moment. I can't place the look on his face; it's concerned, but mixed with something else, something thoughtful.

"Only if you're sure we're not causing you any trouble. If that's the case, then I would appreciate you calling the school. Let me know what I need to do, okay?"

"Yay! So I can still go to work today?"

I smile at Maive. "Of course. We'll leave here around three, get you there early to impress Stephie. How's that sound?"

I marvel at this strange girl and her excitement over working a café job for tips. I'm already mentally preparing what I'll say to Stephie, though I know I have to be careful so she won't take anything out on Maive.