I was alive, that much I knew. My eyes fluttered open to late afternoon sun spilling through the glass doors that lead to the balcony. The last time I cleaned and changed those curtains felt like years ago, the door was shut and the place was messy. Clothes were all over the floor, at least from what I could see. I closed my eyes once more hoping that maybe this was hell, a messy room and afternoon sun with a rising migraine felt like hell or maybe I should count my blessings and call it heaven because I finally got away from Pep.
Pep was generally a clean person and that's why we coexisted well, she picked up after herself and her pet peeve was untidiness; so was mine. I took deep breaths trying to focus my thoughts, if I was alive- which I knew I was- I wasn't free of Pep but the place looked terrible so she must've been elsewhere so who was taking care of my body? I couldn't have possibly been in a coma but knowing Pep she'd rather keep me here than take me to an actual hospital. I must've been out for 1 day, 2 days max. I heard footsteps coming down the hallway so I closed my eyes and relaxed my face as best as I could.
"When do you think she'll wake up?" So, Rayuga was here.
"I'm not sure." Pep's voice I could distinguish anywhere.
"Longest three days ever," Rayuga added with a sigh.
"If she doesn't wake up then I'll take her to the hospital." One pair of footsteps left in an impatient haste.
"I hope it's not too late." Rayuga whispered.
She lingered for a moment before she decided to leave the room. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding and made a long dramatic sigh. I was in deep, very deep. I was on my side of the bed, closer to the closet and bathroom. The carpet was gone and for the life of me, I couldn't exactly remember what happened before I blanked out. I just knew we were in a fight and shit went left real quick. I got up with the need to relieve myself but quickly realized that moving my body was like moving a sack of cement. I was surprised how I didn't piss the damn bed being out for 3 days but I probably was just sleeping, if so, that was the damn best sleep I've ever gotten.
I made another effort and managed to sit up, I took my time careful not to give myself whiplash. I held onto the nightstand for some assistance, I pushed myself off and basically hugged the wall all the way to the bathroom where I could hold onto the sink and navigate my way to the toilet. I felt like I needed a shower, I felt like I needed to clean this whole place from the bottom to the top.
That was a coping mechanism for me, when Pep did what she did- all I could do was clean to keep myself busy and distracted. It kept her out of my way because she didn't want to disturb my cleaning, it kept my mind sane. Right now I was out of it, I felt deranged. I wanted to scream, I wanted to fight. Something needed to be done but I didn't know what, I'd kill her before she killed me and as a matter of fact I did hear the 'I love you' I guess she left off the 'to death' part. I felt my little finger twitch and realized how far I'd come since I left my homeland 10 months ago.
I staggered out of the bathroom and went to my top drawer, I lifted my makeshift hiding spot and found my little baggies of coke. I pulled one out and quickly shook out the contents on the top of the chest of drawers in a line; I took the closest thing to me- which ended up being a receipt- and rolled it up using it to snort the coke. I was numb, I decided to do one more.
10 minutes later with three empty bags of coke left lying on the top of the chest of drawers, I was completely out of it. I made my way to the top of the stairs and decided to show some of my ugly colors.
"I'M A MESS! IM A LOSER! IMA HATER, IMA USER! IMA MESS FOR YOUR LOVE IT AINT NEW! IM OBSESSED, IM EMBARRASSED! I DONT TRUST NO ONE AROUND US! IM A MESS FOR YOUR LOVE, IT AINT NEW!" I sung the lyrics to I'm a mess at the top of my lungs slowly taking the steps one at a time holding onto the railing for stability.
