Love and Psychopaths: Self-Interested Love

Love and Psychopaths 1: Self-Interested Love

Joe Pastorious is attracted to Janet Waverley because she is beautiful, charming, interesting, intelligent, creative, courageous, funny, and a great flirt. Janet is crazy about Joe for similar reasons. They have great conversations together.

Joe thinks Janet is an amazing lover and has had more fun with her than he has had with any other person in his entire life. Janet shares all of Joe's important religious and political views. She has similar tastes and shares his hobbies. Joe can spend long periods of time with Janet without either of them getting on each other's nerves.

Janet helps Joe improve some of his weaknesses. Joe and Janet like most of the same people for the same reasons. Janet always considers Joe's advice and very much respects his opinion. She often gives Joe good advice and shares a perspective with him that helps him see things he is sometimes blind to on his own.

Janet and Joe, throughout their relationship, have always been faithful to one another. Both parties take their commitment to one another very seriously. Both of them will only leave the relationship if they think it isn't working. Janet and Joe also only say things to each other that are true. They do this while frequently combining their honesty with tact, so as to not hurt the other's feelings. Joe is always there for Janet when she needs him and vice versa.

Janet has recently started going to therapy to work on problems she has with impulse control. Although Janet doesn't believe that her problems have recently put her in any serious danger, she still worries they could get out of control in the future. After several months of therapy, Doctor Jillian Adams diagnoses Janet as a psychopath. After listening to Doctor Adams explain the reasons for this diagnosis, Janet agrees that she is indeed a psychopath.

Janet is a thrill seeker with completely self-interested motivations. On the inside, Janet cares about people she likes only because of what those people can give her (whether it's good company, loyalty, practical help, fun experiences, stimulating conversation, good sex, advice, or money). She doesn't care at all about people she dislikes who give her nothing. Janet can cry on cue to get what she wants.

Nevertheless, she believes that she is a benevolent psychopath. She believes she is a benevolent psychopath because she never tries to harm anyone. She also tries never to treat anyone unfairly. This is because she understands that harming those she dislikes and treating them unfairly would give her less of what she wants in life. It's not because she cares about the suffering or unfair treatment of people she dislikes.

Janet cares about Joe more than anyone because Joe gives her what she wants from a boyfriend. Most of the time, Joe is good company, fun, sexy, a good conversationalist, and someone who is very supportive of her. Janet also cuts Joe a lot of slack. She allows him days when he is grumpy and isn't good company because she understands that realistically, you can't have a committed relationship unless you cut your partner some slack. However, if Joe were to permanently stop giving Janet the things that make her happy in their relationship, she would not hesitate to end it.

Janet knows that behaving selfishly and using people makes people she cares about dislike her. She knows behaving this way would especially make Joe dislike her. Because of this fact, she mostly behaves in a way where she doesn't appear selfish or like she is using people.

Sometimes she slips up.

On a few occasions, Janet does show Joe behaviours he finds quite selfish. However, the amount of selfish behaviour she shows Joe is comparable to the amount of selfish behaviour he shows her. He isn't a psychopath.

Nonetheless, when Joe finds out about Janet's diagnosis, he feels frightened, overwhelmed, and confused. On the evening of November 10th, 2002, Joe decides to share these feelings with Janet, shortly after both of them have eaten a poorly cooked Mexican takeaway.

It is 7: 48pm.

Joe: I don't really know how to say this... you know I love ya. You know I think you're the most amazing person I've ever known. But you being amazing isn't going to solve this problem.

Janet: What problem?

Joe: It's difficult for me to say this, but I think our relationship is unhealthy.

Janet: (confused) What?

Joe: It's not coming from the right place. It's twisted.

Janet: I don't understand. We enjoy each other's company. We rarely fight. We help each other grow. We like and dislike most of the same people. We have the same values. We have great sex. We make each other laugh. It's a great relationship, Joe. It's the relationship most people wish they had!

Joe: Janet, you're just listing things that benefit you.

Janet: Of course they benefit me.

Joe: Yeah, and if they all stopped, what would ya do? You'd fucking leave.

Janet: That's so not fair. If I had a brain injury and became a horrible person that made you miserable, you'd leave too. You'd have every right to.

Joe: Yeah, but I'd be leaving because you became a different person. You'd leave for far less than that. What if I couldn't have sex with you anymore? I dunno, if I got prostate cancer and couldn't get erections or something?

 Janet: You know I'd be devastated if you got cancer!

Joe: You'd be devastated because of what it would mean for YOU. Then you'd be gone.

Janet: I wouldn't be gone because I love too many other things...your companionship, your sense of humour, your kindness and sensitivity. Honestly, we could work around the sex, Joe. That's not a problem. There are always ways to get each other off. You don't need erections for everything.

Joe: But what if I suffered a depressive episode? What if I couldn't be terribly good company to you for a number of years?

Janet: I'd help you through that the best I could. What else could I do?

Joe: You'd help me through it because you'd be waiting.

Janet: Waiting for what?

Joe: You'd be waiting for me to come out of the depression and be charming again. If you thought I wouldn't, you'd throw me away, like so many other things you easily toss in the bin.

Janet: If you were miserable for the rest of your life, what kind of relationship would this be? I'd be your bloody nurse! You'd hardly ever talk to me. That wouldn't make either of us happy.

Joe: Janet, that's what a good relationship sometimes is. You know, 'through richer, through poorer, in sickness and in health' and all of that.

Janet: (loudly) You're talking shit! That's one person looking after someone else, someone they WERE in a relationship with.

Joe: Janet, that's what you do for the person you love if they get ill. Love isn't about being entertained. It's about learning to love the person you're with, no matter what they do or become.

Janet: Joe, nobody wants to love a person who can't communicate with them. Nobody wants to love a person who's become so damaged that they can't be nice to anybody.

Joe: That's where you're wrong, Janet. You're so wrong it's disturbing.